Questionnaire: Do You Need Bereavement Counselling?

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In the aftermath of a death it is perfectly normal to cycle through many different emotions. Feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, denial, guilt and even relief can all be typical of those who are grieving. Even when people know this, however, there are those who will not recognise when their emotions are making a major impact on their lives. Bereavement counselling can help people work through their grief, resolve any lingering conflicts and come to terms with their new lives and selves.

To help you determine if you need bereavement counselling we have put together the following questionnaire. Answer each of the 12 questions below with yes or no . Total your answers and match the number of yes answers to the explanations at the end to find out if you need bereavement counselling.

1. Have your sleeping patterns changed considerably since the death of your loved one? 2. Has your weight changed considerably since the death of your loved one? 3. Have you experienced great or regular confusion since the death of your loved one? 4. Have you been unable to stop crying since the death of your loved one? 5. Have you been unable to concentrate since the death of your loved one? 6. Have others told you that you are not coping well since the death of your loved one? 7. Have you had suicidal thoughts since the death of your loved one? 8. Have you thought of harming yourself or others since the death of your loved one? 9. Have you been unable to make decisions since the death of your loved one? 10. Have you felt uncontrollable rage since the death of your loved one? 11. Have you experienced physical pain since the death of your loved one? 12. Have you worried about your thoughts or behaviour since the death of your loved one?

Do You Need Bereavement Counselling?

If you answered yes to between one and four questions then you most likely do not need bereavement counselling. It seems as though you have acknowledged your thoughts and feelings about the death of your loved one, and that you are working through them in healthy ways. If you don t agree, however, or you feel that you would still like the support of others or the chance to speak with someone non judgemental, then you might want to investigate individual or group bereavement counselling anyway. If you ve ever had suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself or others as related to your grief then you should seek professional help immediately.

Yes to 5 -8

If you answered yes to between five and eight questions then you might need bereavement counselling. It is very easy for grief to spiral out of control or take over your life, and bereavement counselling could help you better understand your emotions and what you can do to work through them and eventually overcome them. Bereavement counselling can also be a great, safe place for you to discuss your loved one, his or her death, the role (s)he played in your life and how you would like your life to take shape in the future – both the positive and negative aspects of all. It may not seem like your life has been impacted greatly yet, but attending bereavement counselling could keep it from being impacted irreversibly in the future. Please seek help immediately if you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others.

Yes to 9 or more

If you answered yes to nine or more questions then you most likely need bereavement counselling. You have obviously experienced great changes in your life due to your grief, many of which may keep you from enjoying full physical or emotional health. Your days, and possibly your night as well, seem to be dominated by the loss of your loved one. In order to better move forward, to work through your grief and put together plans for your future, bereavement counselling can be an important first step. If you believe that your physical health or safety is in danger then don t delay in seeking out bereavement counselling services. Cruse Bereavement Care and the British Association of Counselling are both excellent starting points for finding a bereavement counsellor or support group.

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0 comments

  1. Iam trying to bring back the past,even though I know I can’t, lost my huband many years ago I guess I had no time to think about it I had 4 childern to take care of, but they are all gone now and I seem to think alot of my husband.

  2. It’s a year now since my husband of 48 yrs, died of Lung Cancer. I miss him so much. Think about him every day. I have this video tape in my head that switches it’s self on and plays a few moments of our life together, without warning. I have a loving family around me but I can still feel completely detached . I feel like I have this cloak of sadness wrapped around me. I try to enjoy happy moments every day. I look to the future with uncertainty but also with hope because how else will I be able to live this New life thrust upon me?

  3. @Babs. That must be so hard, 48 years is a long time to be with someone. Yes it’s really positive to have hope. Have you tried bereavement counselling? If so let us know whether it helped at all. Above all, take care of yourself and keep your family close.

  4. I lost my my Mother recently following an operation ( open heart surgery) things seemed to deteriorate following surgery and she eventually died. The operation was supposed to prolong her life and quality for? who knows how long. Always suspected my Mother would not survive long despite surgery. I sat by her bedside in hospital and watched her slowly die day by day, the pain was unbearable despite the fact i wanted her to die to save her suffering.The pain is still unbearable and i miss her every day. People say time will ease the pain but it never goes away.My youngest brother was killed in a traffic accident some 34 years ago and I have never gotten over that and think of him every day. I feel as though my life is lived in a void.I feel perpetually sad and do not see me ever being happy again.Although i have good brothers and sisters i do not discuss any of this with them, feel unable to; although I am sure they have their own problems with the situation, which only makes me feel selfish and guilty.My over riding thoughts are that at the age of 65 I am just waiting for the grim reaper to knock on my door and say sorry old boy its time to go.Does any one have any thoughts or advice : it would be appreciated.

  5. @dodger – you may find it helpful to talk to someone at a bereavement support organisation such as Cruse, the Samaritans, or Bereavement UK. Do talk with your brothers and sisters more too, it may help for example, to organise a get-together or a memorial service, where you can remember the great things about your mother. You could make arrangements to do this on a regular basis to talk about the way you are feeling and what helps/doesn’t help etc. Good luck and take care or youself.

  6. I have lost my husband 8 months ago it was so sudden he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in april 2014 and died june 2014 it was such a shock to all of us i was coping well at the beginning i was so strong for my children, but the grief as just hit me now i can’t sleep properly i have got all these emotions going round in my head.even thou i have got my children i feel so alone the night time is the worst got nobody to have a conversation with plus i have got that over whelming feeling that everything is getting on top of me and i don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t want to go on any medication do you think bereavement counselling will help me. Don’t like feeling like this can anyone help me please. Thanks

  7. @Woody. We hope some of our readers will be able to help here too, but yes, in the meantime, what do you have to lose? If the counselling does not help then you’ll be back to where you are now and can look at other options, if it does help, then you will find yourself in a much better place. Here are some charities and support groups that can help:
    Cruse
    Merry Widow – a popular online resource for anyone who has lost a partner.
    Macmillan Bereaved Spouse Group– Macmillian online support group for those who’ve lost a spouse to cancer
    The Loss Foundation

  8. I lost my mam to cervical cancer 9 years ago which at the time was a very emotional time 9 years down the line I still find it hard to talk about her to new people that come into my life and cry when I tell them I’ve also started the adoption process which is setting off the uncontrollable crying every time they talk about my mam , I’m unsure if I need help or not has anyone got any advice on what I should do.

  9. 3 months ago I lost the most important person in my life to suiaside, I can’t stop crying and I’m so tiered, I can’t carry on having this pain surround me. She was my nana but everyone knows we were bestfriends, I can’t go on withought my hero next to me, Since the news iv swapped my nights for days and days for nights. I just want something to take this pain away I’d do anything for something to make me smile and mean it! I’m so scared Incase I lose any other close family members and I’m scared when I’m alone. I still can’t help but feel alone, why would she leave me if she said I was her favourite and only Person who understood her!! It still dose t feel real that my worlds gone. Please help!

  10. I lost my mum nearly 11 months ago .I found this emotional path such a painful journey as my mum was diagnosed with cancer that took over her body and took her away from me and my external family. From the time of her diagnosis, it was a year to the date that they said she would have left.(I cried every day for a year and still cry) watching the most wonderful friend I had, emotionally fading away over time from me, was something that remains with me. Words and fears, thoughts regarding the future that we shared have stayed stuck, within my stomach.This is like a huge brick I carry. I function everyday going to work, keeping the home and expense. Trying to support my daughters and other family members,Internally my own inner self is drowning with a pool of sadness and all the confusion of grief. I am aware of this journey of grief so I allow myself to cry.Goodness I miss her terribly and feel bitter that my time with her was short..I am 46 years old and my mum was 65 years old. A woman who loved life, always looked glamorous and took pride with having her children(me and my brother) grandchildren ect.No words of comfort helps, I am hoping time will ease the pain..So for now i will try and to live for her.. a constant feel of sadness yes, loss, as well, my body aches from time to time ..But I am my mothers daughter so for my mum I must follow her dreams and build on my own..

  11. Its been 21 years since my Mamaw died of Cancer. I watced it all happen from the diagnoses to death. I was 17 I tried everything I knew to save her; I prayed, I wrote every church in town and put the letters under their doors. I built a make shift alter at her bedroom window. I sat by her side and told her that I was trying to heal her. She still died and I still see her eyes after death, they were so cloudy. I miss her so bad and I think about her all the time. I find myself trying to contact her, when I visit her old house. My mom was 15 when she had me and my Mamaw was like a second mommy. She tought me about jesus and god, she read me bible stories, she made me feel warm and safe. I cant forget her smell or the touch of her hand, and I don’t want to. I just want her back. Im still mad, Im still sad. I guess I feel sorry for myself, but I cant stop.

  12. I lost my wonderful husband two months ago We had been married for fifty seven years I nursed him for a year and he tried so hard to beat lung cancer. I feel so empty and cheated as we were previously having such a full and happy life .The home is so quiet and I spend days crying and miss him so much , I wonder how I am going to carry on , I have a family who have been supportive but they have thier lives to live and I don’t want to burden them with my grief . I really don’t know what the answer is but pray for strength the to get through this .

  13. I had never lost anyone close to me until 2003. My older sister who was 57 died after battling breast cancer for 2 1/2 years. I had gotten divorced in 1999 and she was my savior. I will never forget her. About three years later my mother got sick. My father was ill too and went to the ER and we found out he had pancreatic cancer. It was so bad that there was nothing they could do. Meanwhile my mother was sent to the hospital and they put her his for rehab because she has late stage dementia and COPD. My father died three months after being diagnosed and three weeks later my mother died. Now my brother who had lived with my dad all his life winded up passing away three years later of a blood clot. Now, my sister who was 11 years older than I passed away from ovarian cancer after a 6 year struggle. But now, three years later I get a call that my brother is in a coma and we have to wind up pulling the plugs because he has colon cancer and is ready to die. There is more to these stories but they are basically the truth. This all happened in a 10 year span, so most people think I am whining about nothing. But, to me it seems like it happened so quick. Every holiday I feel so alone. Things will happen to me at work or out shopping and I will say “I can’t wait until I can tell Marilyn about this” and than I realize that these people are all gone. That feeling hurts so much and doesn’t seem to get better.

  14. I lost my son 5 days ago. He took his own life. He was 17. I need help, I have run out of people to talk to because they already hurt so bad they can’t help me. I just need to talk to someone! I feel like I’m dieing

  15. Tabitha – Your Question:

    I lost my son 5 days ago. He took his own life. He was 17. I need help, I have run out of people to talk to because they already hurt so bad they can’t help me. I just need to talk to someone! I feel like I’m dieing


    Our Response:

    We’re so sorry to hear about this. You are doing the right thing in acknowledging that you need to talk to someone. At some point you will be able to talk with others who knew your son well, but at the moment we can understand that you’re all feeling to vulnerable and bereft to do do. There is a specific charity that helps those who have been bereaved by suicide. Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide ( SOBS) Has a dedicated helpline 0300 111 5065 open from 9am to 9pm every day. There is also information and help at:
    Winston’s Wish
    CRUSE
    Our thoughts are with you.

  16. my wife lost her father 6months ago, it was a shock to us all she blames me I couldn’t do anything to help she says she can’t talk to me about it but can to people she just met I reassure her that I am here but she wants to end our marriage and not try anymore I don’t know what to do

  17. Hi, I’ve lost my dad less than a month ago. I don’t where to start. I’ve been brought up by him. He is my everything, my eyes, my world, the love of my life. I’ve got young kids and a loving husband and I’m pregnant BUT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE… I’m always crying, I can’t smile to them, I keep being angry at everyone all the time. I’m not enjoying anything or anyone. He’s gone one evening just like that in front of my eyes I saw him dying and now I can’t see anything else… That baby I’m carrying I can’t seem to love him or worry for him. I can’t seem to love my children anymore and my husband I feel so terrible for saying it but I just need to get it off my chest. Dad has left an immeasurable emptiness in me and anger and sadness… All these feelings are boiling and raging that i feel exhausted all the time What can it make more bearable ?? Less painful ? I can’t anymore …

  18. HP – Your Question:

    Hi, I’ve lost my dad less than a month ago. I don’t where to start. I’ve been brought up by him. He is my everything, my eyes, my world, the love of my life. I’ve got young kids and a loving husband and I’m pregnant BUT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE. I’m always crying, I can’t smile to them, I keep being angry at everyone all the time. I’m not enjoying anything or anyone. He’s gone one evening just like that in front of my eyes I saw him dying and now I can’t see anything else. That baby I’m carrying I can’t seem to love him or worry for him. I can’t seem to love my children anymore and my husband I feel so terrible for saying it but I just need to get it off my chest.Dad has left an immeasurable emptiness in me and anger and sadness. All these feelings are boiling and raging that I feel exhausted all the time What can it make more bearable ?? Less painful ? I can’t anymore.


    Our Response:

    Please do try and talk to someone about this. Sometimes it’s harder to talk to those close to you about how you’re feeling, and this is where organisations like CRUSE can really help. You can also find bereavement support services and groups in your local area by asking at your GP/your local NHS Trust.

  19. i have lost my mum 7mths ago and I am finding it so hard to cope with out her Evan tho I have my own family I think about her every day it has been building and building up with extremely heart ache what should I do

  20. It’s been 2 years since my fiance passed away and not a day goes by were my thoughts don’t drift off thinking about her. I know it wasn’t my fault, but the pain in my heart still hasn’t gone away. I feel like I’m losing my mind half the time, especially on my job that has me driving for long extended periods of time. I’m finding myself holding full conversations with a person who isn’t there all the time. And I know it’s not a good sign, but I can’t help it. I still hear her voice. I tried saying again, but it’s just not working out. Not really sure what to do at this point.

  21. Gaz – Your Question:

    I have lost my mum 7mths ago and I am finding it so hard to cope with out her Evan tho I have my own family I think about her every day it has been building and building up with extremely heart ache what should I do


    Our Response:

    Losing your mum is really difficult. It’s especially hard when you’re older, and a mother yourself, as people often think you should have “grown out of” any dependency on your mother. If you have someone who you can open up to about this, a partner, sibling or close friend perhaps, please do. You may find that they can help you with emotional or practical support. You can also try bereavement counselling or contacting an organisation like Cruse

  22. Ben – Your Question:

    It’s been 2 years since my fiance passed away and not a day goes by were my thoughts don’t drift off thinking about her. I know it wasn’t my fault, but the pain in my heart still hasn’t gone away. I feel like I’m losing my mind half the time, especially on my job that has me driving for long extended periods of time. I’m finding myself holding full conversations with a person who isn’t there all the time. And I know it’s not a good sign, but I can’t help it. I still hear her voice. I tried saying again, but it’s just not working out. Not really sure what to do at this point.


    Our Response:

    Have you tried any local bereavement support groups where you live? This might give you a focus and something else to think about/look forward to while you’re driving. Your GP should be able to recommend one to you. If you work for a big company, it might be worth talking to the HR department – they might be able to offer a course or to make some changes to your job so you do not spend so much time driving.

  23. My mum passed away almost a year ago. It’s been a months of a struggle but everyone hope she will gets better, when she passed away I lost my self.I see that as my failure, because I didn’t save her.I lost motivation for living, for life, I can’t wait night when everything is quiet and I take antidepressants and read a book.Soon as I wake up I am thinking how in the evening I will go to bed again.I am not feeling to leave the house and as time is passing I am feeling worse and worse.My husband is by my side all the time and I have his support but now he started to lose his patience with me.I am afraid that after my mum I will lose him too which I wouldn’t stand.I see my self as a failure on every field and I just want my life back, I want my relationship back the most previous thing that I have.I am fighting so hard with my thoughts but I have constantly pictures of my mum in the hospital, and her funeral that I just can’t go back to normality.I want to make my self feel better just I don’t know how.

  24. Daniela – Your Question:

    My mum passed away almost a year ago.It’s been a months of a struggle but everyone hope she will gets better, when she passed away I lost my self.I see that as my failure, because I didn’t save her.I lost motivation for living, for life, I can’t wait night when everything is quiet and I take antidepressants and read a book.Soon as I wake up I am thinking how in the evening I will go to bed again.I am not feeling to leave the house and as time is passing I am feeling worse and worse.My husband is by my side all the time and I have his support but now he started to lose his patience with me.I am afraid that after my mum I will lose him too which I wouldn’t stand.I see my self as a failure on every field and I just want my life back, I want my relationship back the most previous thing that I have.I am fighting so hard with my thoughts but I have constantly pictures of my mum in the hospital, and her funeral that I just can’t go back to normality.I want to make my self feel better just I don’t know how.


    Our Response:

    You can’t do this on your own. You need to seek support from others both connect and unconnected with you. Look for local support groups or use national organisations like CRUSE bereavement care , your GP will also be able to recommend a bereavement counsellor and give you some suggestions for handling/coping with your depression. Please tell your husband that you want to get help and need his support in finding it. If he sees you’re trying to help yourself he will understand.

  25. I lost my dad a year ago at Christmas time. I’m really struggling with it, I was close with him and he was my friend as well as my dad. He had a long term illness and in the end we had to switch off his life support. Myself and my husband ended up having to organise and tie up a lot of loose ends as my mum wasn’t up to it. We are still dealing with legal stuff for her , but she has now met someone . I am feeling really uneasy with it all. I want her to be happy but I am really angry, upset and confused. I just want to be in control of how I feel and just be fine with everything. I hate how emotional I am and have to hide it most of the time as I don’t want my kids picking up on it. I can’t talk to my mum and my sibling doesn’t feel the same as me, they feel that everything is fine. So I guess it’s me that is wrong. I’m so sorry for rambling.

  26. Anon – Your Question:

    I lost my dad a year ago at Christmas time. I’m really struggling with it, I was close with him and he was my friend as well as my dad. He had a long term illness and in the end we had to switch off his life support. Myself and my husband ended up having to organise and tie up a lot of loose ends as my mum wasn’t up to it. We are still dealing with legal stuff for her , but she has now met someone. I am feeling really uneasy with it all. I want her to be happy but I am really angry, upset and confused. I just want to be in control of how I feel and just be fine with everything. I hate how emotional I am and have to hide it most of the time as I don’t want my kids picking up on it. I can’t talk to my mum and my sibling doesn’t feel the same as me, they feel that everything is fine. So I guess it’s me that is wrong. I’m so sorry for rambling.


    Our Response:

    It’s not you that is “wrong” – you simply feel differently. It might be worth considering counselling or joining a bereavement support group to help you work your way through this.

  27. I’ve been trying to cope with my sons suicide 18 months ago but the anxiety of it all is getting me down my hubby gets on my nerves since this happened and I don’t know what to do Valium helps but the doctors won’t give it me I’m trying to find a good chemist on line to see if I can get some there you get no help of them all I got on the day it happened was you need to go threw it well I thought thanks a lot I know that but a little help wouldn’t go a miss any advice it was his birthday on the 11october thank you

  28. Ang – Your Question:

    I’ve been trying to cope with my sons suicide 18 months ago but the anxiety of it all is getting me down my hubby gets on my nerves since this happened and I don’t know what to do Valium helps but the doctors won’t give it me I’m trying to find a good chemist on line to see if I can get some there you get no help of them all I got on the day it happened was you need to go threw it well I thought thanks a lot I know that but a little help wouldn’t go a miss any advice it was his birthday on the 11october thank you


    Our Response:

    Have you asked your GP about counselling at all? If they cannot refer you to one, you might be able to find help via local support groups etc. A couple of useful organisations to try are
    SOBS – Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
    or
    Support After Suicide

  29. I lost my younger sister aged 56 to Ovarian cancer 5 months ago it was a four year fight during which she exuded massive amounts of positivity and did many things I knew were on her bucket list . We had a traumatic abusive childhood I was the main target however we shared and acknowledged our past whilst getting on with our lives. She chose not to have children but loved mine . I find myself dwelling on our abusive childhood and wishing I had been able to do more for ger emotionally. I’m sure it’s time but find daily life a struggle to be joyous. Family pass comments but I can’t get beyond my thoughts. Ive tried reiki and practice yoga. Any advice very welcome..I’m stuck!

  30. Mak – Your Question:

    I lost my younger sister aged 56 to Ovarian cancer 5 months ago it was a four year fight during which she exuded massive amounts of positivity and did many things I knew were on her bucket list.We had a traumatic abusive childhood I was the main target however we shared and acknowledged our past whilst getting on with our lives.She chose not to have children but loved mine.I find myself dwelling on our abusive childhood and wishing I had been able to do more for ger emotionally. I’m sure it’s time but find daily life a struggle to be joyous. Family pass comments but I can’t get beyond my thoughts. Ive tried reiki and practice yoga. Any advice very welcome.I’m stuck!


    Our Response:

    It seems like a common theme for us to suggest it, but we really do think you would benefit from counselling and/or joining a support group. Please ask your GP about any organisations in your area or try the internet. A good place to start finding resources is CRUSE. You could also try NAPAC an organisation supporting adults recover from childhood abuse.

  31. I lost my mom in 2013 which was my best friend to unexplained death well we was told she died of heart failure but we think it was neglected by the nursing home she was in and is closed down permnately but I find myself sneaking around I swing pain killers for pains I never had before I take aleve pm to sleep every night don’t socialize a lot and my husband and 2 sons say I need couseling

  32. Darrin – Your Question:

    I lost my mom in 2013 which was my best friend to unexplained death well we was told she died of heart failure but we think it was neglected by the nursing home she was in and is closed down permnately but I find myself sneaking around I swing pain killers for pains I never had before I take aleve pm to sleep every night don’t socialize a lot and my husband and 2 sons say I need couseling


    Our Response:

    It does sound as though counselling will help you. First, go to you GP and tell him about the pain killers. The GP will be able ot help with both that, and a referral for some counselling.

  33. hi there it is coming up to 2 years since i lost my dad to lunch cancer, it took 51days from being told to him passing away. i have 2 children 7&12. i am struggling to keep my emotions together, i keep everything bottled in..me & my husband argue nearly on a daily basis & i know im pushing him away…and my friends. its affecting my job, my mum has left her job & she has changed. im struggling to control my emotions, i dont know how to deal with them…i feel sometimes im better of where my dad is!! i just dont know what to do anymore..please help!

  34. My mom passed away 7 years ago at age 60 of cervical cancer. I was her primary caregiver for the one year that she fought for her life and passed. I am not coping well yet. I have gained 100 pounds, have nightmares every night that I can’t find her. I can’t talk about her without breaking down. She was my best friend, an amazing mom and grandma. She was taken too soon. I feel like a shell of what I once was. I feel I should find more joy in my kiddos than I do. I have no motivation to participate in most life activities. Is this normal grief stuff or should I seek counseling?

  35. Notcopingwell – Your Question:

    My mom passed away 7 years ago at age 60 of cervical cancer. I was her primary caregiver for the one year that she fought for her life and passed. I am not coping well yet. I have gained 100 pounds, have nightmares every night that I can’t find her. I can’t talk about her without breaking down. She was my best friend, an amazing mom and grandma. She was taken too soon. I feel like a shell of what I once was. I feel I should find more joy in my kiddos than I do. I have no motivation to participate in most life activities. Is this normal grief stuff or should I seek counseling?


    Our Response:

    It is normal grief, but you do need some help to deal with the grief. Counselling will help, as will joining a support group etc. Your doctor may be able to refer you for counselling and your local Citizens’ Advice will be able to find you local support groups.

  36. My husband recently passed due to overdose on prescription pills although there is dispute over whether it was intentional or not. Our 12 year old daughter is finding it very hard also. Would bereavement counselling help?

  37. I lost my mum 11 weeks ago, she was my best friend and she had fought cancer for the last 3.5 years. I feel lost without her, I get no joy out of anything, the only thing keeping me going are my young children but I find myself snapping at them and everyone else all the time

  38. Hi I lost my son suddenly 12 years ago on holiday abroad he was disabled but was shocked when he died I haven’t been able to come to terms with it, I have still worked through this and just seem to block it out until anniversaries then it takes weeks to get over them

  39. I am nearly 34 years old. I was adopted when I was born. My family is the only family I have known. I loss my dad at the end of Dec 2016. The call was unexpected and alarming and it literally pulled me to the ground. I was in complete and utter shock. The entire trip to hometown I kept blacking out from reality. My dad is survived by my mom, my brothers and their family, and me and mine. Since he has passed the pervasive and lasting emotional thoughts in my own insecurity and grief is that I am somehow officially orphaned and no longer legitimately part of my family. To be fair and clear, my mom and brothers have not moved in this way at all, it is all in my head. On top of the emotional mental battles I have had severe health issues. I have had cycles of flu-like symptoms and exhaustion for four months. The people close to me say that I am within normal grieving process, and that each of us process loss differently. I just feel so overwhelmed. All of my rational and reasoning life, my dad was my closest friend and mentor, not just an authority figure. I can’t put it fully into words, but it was more than most parent -child relationships ever achieve. I sincerely feel like I have lost a part of my person. I do not wish this anguish on even an enemy.

  40. sad – Your Question:

    I am nearly 34 years old. I was adopted when I was born. My family is the only family I have known. I loss my dad at the end of Dec 2016. The call was unexpected and alarming and it literally pulled me to the ground. I was in complete and utter shock. The entire trip to hometown I kept blacking out from reality. My dad is survived by my mom, my brothers and their family, and me and mine. Since he has passed the pervasive and lasting emotional thoughts in my own insecurity and grief is that I am somehow officially orphaned and no longer legitimately part of my family. To be fair and clear, my mom and brothers have not moved in this way at all, it is all in my head. On top of the emotional mental battles I have had severe health issues. I have had cycles of flu-like symptoms and exhaustion for four months. The people close to me say that I am within normal grieving process, and that each of us process loss differently. I just feel so overwhelmed. All of my rational and reasoning life, my dad was my closest friend and mentor, not just an authority figure. I can’t put it fully into words, but it was more than most parent -child relationships ever achieve. I sincerely feel like I have lost a part of my person. I do not wish this anguish on even an enemy.


    Our Response:

    This is part of the grieving process. You can help yourself by accessing counselling services and/or local support groups. It may help you to simply share your thoughts with someone else who may have had a similar experience.

  41. I lost my dog after 141/2 years. I absolutely adored him and he was always with me. He had a great personality and was much loved. We finally had to have him put to sleep as he couldn’t walk. I know it was the only way but it felt wrong. I held him as he died. I have lost my dad and best friend and coped well with their deaths as I have a strong faith and believe that they are with God. However, I’m not sure where dogs go hen they die. I cry most days and am not the same person I was. I was always happy and optimistic, now I feel fearful of losing my husband too and am struggling. What can I do? It seems trivial to mourn a dog so much

  42. I lost my eldest sister 3 weeks ago. She was 62 and passed away following a short battle with lung cancer. I am 54. I also lost my dad 4 years ago to cancer. Losing my sister has been a huge shock and we are devastated. I was very close to my sister, as am to my other sister, who is 61. How can I get through the grieving process?

  43. I lost my mum 7weeks a go I miss her so much not many days go by I don’t cry can be on a bus when I’m ironing any time I don’t sleep at work I want to scream at customers when they moan about a faulty toaster .my whole life has changed I don’t know how to sort it

  44. I lost my husband, best friend and soul mate 18 weeks ago. Raymond found out he had cancer on the 16th March and 6 weeks later on the 1st May he passed away. I am totally heartbroken. I’m at a loss. We were married for 34 happy years. He was buried as he wished but I cant stop thinking of him in the dark. All alone. Does he think ive abandoned him. I miss him so much.

  45. I’m Jamie i lost my fiancé to suicide on the 16th August. She had mental health issues of Borderline personality disorder unfortunately i have ADHD so we argued a lot. Anyway due to the arguments between us she would rage and hurt me with words and violence and i would act in self defence and have to push her away from me unless i was able to get out in one piece i would have to go to parents houses.This always happened after she drank at night in the day she was the most loving,caring,compassionate woman who loved me dearly never meet another like her.

  46. My husband died last year,I was already suffering from depression so when this happened,the bottom just fell out of my world,we had been married for fourty five years and know that he has so gone I just don’t know what to do with myself.people expect me to be the same as I was, but I can’t I feel like a big part of me has died and I don’t think i will ever be the same person that I was,I feel crushed.

  47. Foamy – Your Question:

    My husband died last year,I was already suffering from depression so when this happened,the bottom just fell out of my world,we had been married for fourty five years and know that he has so gone I just don’t know what to do with myself.people expect me to be the same as I was, but I can’t I feel like a big part of me has died and I don’t think I will ever be the same person that I was,I feel crushed.


    Our Response:

    Please do try and seek help from local support groups or a counsellor etc. The list of organisations below in the response to @Ladyejo are all very good places to try. We’re sure noone expects you to be the same, but they probably do all want you to be happy again at some point in your life, even if it’s not happy in the way you were when your husband was alive.

  48. I lost my husband of 40 years a year and a half ago . I feel totally lost without him . I still have his cloths and things I can’t get rid of anything I have it in my head he is coming home I find it easier not to think of him so I carry on with life pretending to every onethat I’m ok I have locked him away in my heart sometimes I do open my heart but it hurts so much . I work 1o hours a day to keep me busy . I hate weekends . I have a big family and they are amazing .but I can be in a room full of them but still feel lonely …

  49. Tina – Your Question:

    I lost my husband of 40 years a year and a half ago. I feel totally lost without him. I still have his cloths and things I can’t get rid of anything I have it in my head he is coming home I find it easier not to think of him so I carry on with life pretending to every onethat I’m ok I have locked him away in my heart sometimes I do open my heart but it hurts so much. I work 1o hours a day to keep me busy. I hate weekends. I have a big family and they are amazing.but I can be in a room full of them but still feel lonely.


    Our Response:

    40 years is an incredibly long time to be with someone, we can understand how much it must hurt. Please do try and open up, keeping it locked away will only mean permanent pain for you. Look for local bereavement support groups and charities that you can turn to if you don’t feel ready to open to your loved ones.

  50. I lived with my farher of 60 when he passed last November. We were incredibly close. It was an ordeal to say the least but I’ve felt as though I was making good progress got a promotion at work got a place of my own however I’ve observed a distinct and radical change in my personality. I’ve clearly gone through the conventional stages of grief I mean I was a mess every night for the first six months. I push my bedtime as far as feasibly can and I can’t seem to be the outgoing person I was before my loss I ignore all of my close friends for no good reason I shut out family and no longer feel passionate about much at all anymore. I feel empty and am convinced this is just my personality now as a product of my trauma

  51. My husband died 6 months ago. Shortly before he passed, we had separated. This was a decision that haunts me. He had copd, emphysema and was on oxygen. A lot of this was due to his addiction to heroin. We had been married for 27 years and everything was fine until 1996 when he became addicted to heroin. I stood by him through it all because I loved him and he was Father to our 2 children. However he started a methadone programme in 2000 and I thought this would be the end to raids on our house and all the other problems associated with his addictions. However he started to lie constantly and I was constantly found proof that he was still taking heroin. So last year, despite the fact that he was very Ill, I asked him to leave the family home. I had suffered a stroke in December 2015 and it had all become too much for me. My daughter and son had left home and I thought this was the only thing I could do. We still loved each other and the day he died I was with him. It was very traumatic and paramedics worked on him for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn’t until 2 months ago, after an inquest that his death was ‘drug related. I am so full of guilt, although he lied constantly I still loved him. I forgave him for the way he chose to die but can’t get over it. He died on Sunday April 2nd and I still feel so guilty that I asked him to leave.

  52. samh – Your Question:

    I lived with my farher of 60 when he passed last November. We were incredibly close. It was an ordeal to say the least but I’ve felt as though I was making good progress got a promotion at work got a place of my own however I’ve observed a distinct and radical change in my personality. I’ve clearly gone through the conventional stages of grief I mean I was a mess every night for the first six months. I push my bedtime as far as feasibly can and I can’t seem to be the outgoing person I was before my loss I ignore all of my close friends for no good reason I shut out family and no longer feel passionate about much at all anymore. I feel empty and am convinced this is just my personality now as a product of my trauma


    Our Response:

    Don’t feel resigned to a “personality change” as you describe it. It is a “stage” as you say in the grief process. You can get help, from counselling, therapy and local support groups. You may feel like you have no energy or desire to do so but it will help, slowly but very surely. Take tentative steps towards doing this, don’t expect overnight success. Talk gradually to your friends and family but be gentle with yourself. Take care and let us know how you get on.

  53. My dad passed away three years ago next month. It was during this time that my mother-in-law and close friend also passed away. I feel a mess and seem consumed with all of this. My dad’s passing was sudden and unexpected and I feel sick and still have feelings of disbelief at this whole situation. I still picture the day we found out, hospital visit, funeral etc. I’ve never experienced bereavement before and feel that I’m just coasting though each day. Our lives were perfect before all of this and now it feels like hard work getting through each day. I don’t know how to improve things.

  54. Caz – Your Question:

    My husband died 6 months ago. Shortly before he passed, we had separated. This was a decision that haunts me. He had copd, emphysema and was on oxygen. A lot of this was due to his addiction to heroin. We had been married for 27 years and everything was fine until 1996 when he became addicted to heroin. I stood by him through it all because I loved him and he was Father to our 2 children. However he started a methadone programme in 2000 and I thought this would be the end to raids on our house and all the other problems associated with his addictions. However he started to lie constantly and I was constantly found proof that he was still taking heroin. So last year, despite the fact that he was very Ill, I asked him to leave the family home. I had suffered a stroke in December 2015 and it had all become too much for me.My daughter and son had left home and I thought this was the only thing I could do.We still loved each other and the day he died I was with him. It was very traumatic and paramedics worked on him for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn’t until 2 months ago, after an inquest that his death was ‘drug related.I am so full of guilt, although he lied constantly I still loved him. I forgave him for the way he chose to die but can’t get over it. He died on Sunday April 2nd and I still feel so guilty that I asked him to leave.


    Our Response:

    Please do seek help through counselling or support groups. Your husband was an addict and you as a non-addict could not control this, so don’t allow guilt, (while a natural part of the grieving process) to consume you.

  55. My mom passed away February 22nd of this year the same day I gave birth to my daughter i feel like she did wait for me to make sure we was ok but I feel so guilty for having my daughter the same day but I know she would of probably of hanged on till I did give birth it’s all still raw and now my daughter is babbling and saying Nanna it makes me cry my mom passed away from sepsis through a water infection it all happened so quick she had been ill for a while but cus I was heavily pregnant I feel guilty not seeing her has much as I should of I’ve put on loads of weight and it’s getting to a point I don’t wanna go out and see people in case they look at me and pull faces

  56. Annaboys3 – Your Question:

    My mom passed away February 22nd of this year the same day I gave birth to my daughter I feel like she did wait for me to make sure we was ok but I feel so guilty for having my daughter the same day but I know she would of probably of hanged on till I did give birth it’s all still raw and now my daughter is babbling and saying Nanna it makes me cry my mom passed away from sepsis through a water infection it all happened so quick she had been ill for a while but cus I was heavily pregnant I feel guilty not seeing her has much as I should of I’ve put on loads of weight and it’s getting to a point I don’t wanna go out and see people in case they look at me and pull faces


    Our Response:

    Guilt is a natural stage of grieving, so please don’t worry about these feelings. You have had so much to cope with, losing your mother and having a new baby…theses are both major events in your life. You do need to talk to someone about this, if you become more depressed it will have an adverse effect on your daughter and family. Counselling or support from local bereavement support groups, should really help. Take it slowly, don’t worry about what people think about you, just do what you know is best for your and your daughter.

  57. Hi. My mum got diagnosed sept 12th 2016 Acute myeloid leukaemia passed away 10th July 2017..im heart broken. I get so angry, I seem to find everyday a struggle. Me and mum went everywhere together the way this disease took her. How ive managed to stay working and cope with the stresses and the way I get spoken to at work I’m getting defensive. I feel i need bereavement counselling. Help.

  58. I lost my grandma to cancer almost 7 months ago. I was very very close to her and she was a huge part of my life. I’ve been attending counselling to help deal with the loss since May, but with no real progress. I’m now on antidepressants after being referred to the doctor and have had to take a gap year from my studies. My counsellor is trying to help me to accept reality as I’m still in constant denial, but I feel as though I don’t want to accept it, I don’t want it to be real. She says that maybe I’m not ready, but I feel if I don’t get her help now then I’ll never be better, and I don’t have time to wait, but I also don’t feel ready to accept the loss. I don’t know what to do.

  59. My dad passed away on the 5th of August 2017 to oesophegus cancer. I was his only child and my heart is broken.when they told us it was terminal no treatment and then to give him 2/3 weeks too a month tops to live. He lived 28 days. He said to me It is what it is, you loose your parents. You’ve got your family, times a great healer. I missed my dads passing by a few minutes. I wish id been there when he passed away, feelings of guilt and im not coping very well.christmas day is going to be hard as he always came for christmas day. He said will you put a plate out for me on christmas day to remember me by. I miss him my heart is broken x

  60. Suzy – Your Question:

    My dad passed away on the 5th of August 2017 to oesophegus cancer. I was his only child and my heart is broken.when they told us it was terminal no treatment and then to give him 2/3 weeks too a month tops to live. He lived 28 days. He said to me It is what it is, you loose your parents. You’ve got your family, times a great healer. I missed my dads passing by a few minutes. I wish id been there when he passed away, feelings of guilt and im not coping very well.christmas day is going to be hard as he always came for christmas day. He said will you put a plate out for me on christmas day to remember me by. I miss him my heart is broken x


    Our Response:

    Your reaction is perfectly natural and it’s still very early days. It will take a long time before the pain will ease. Please try and remember your father’s words and try to celebrate the good times you had with him at Christmas. Bereavement counselling certainly might help you as would talking to any local bereavement support groups or charities. Take care of yourself and your other family this Christmas. Maybe take some time to make some plans for a family event in 2018 that will commemorate your dad in some way.

  61. My father passed away 18 years today, not a day had gone by when I have not cried, become angry, got drunk, I have just lost my third wife through all this. Is it time I put me and all those around me out of mine and their misery. I am facing jail for assaulting my wife who had just left me. I don’t know what to do

  62. Jon – Your Question:

    My father passed away 18 years today, not a day had gone by when I have not cried, become angry, got drunk, I have just lost my third wife through all this. Is it time I put me and all those around me out of mine and their misery. I am facing jail for assaulting my wife who had just left me. I don’t know what to do


    Our Response:

    Have you tried counselling for this? Both the grief and the anger? It really might help. Please see your GP who will be able to recommend something for you.

  63. my husband passed away on the 16th November this year suddenley 6 days after been told he had terminal cancer and i can’t deal with it. My hearts broken and i’ve lost my soul mate weve only been married 6yrs can’t think of life without him by my side we did everything together

  64. My grandfather died this time last year. He had brought me up and I was his main carer in later life. He lived next door to me and was my best friend. I was holding his hand when he died. Even now I can’t stop crying. I keep thinking of things I need to tell him and then remembering he isn’t there any more. His house is now sold and I just can’t bear living here without him. I can’t be bothered to wash or clean or go to work. I don’t want to get up or go out. I can’t see the point any more.

  65. Juliemay – Your Question:

    My grandfather died this time last year. He had brought me up and I was his main carer in later life. He lived next door to me and was my best friend. I was holding his hand when he died. Even now I can’t stop crying. I keep thinking of things I need to tell him and then remembering he isn’t there any more. His house is now sold and I just can’t bear living here without him. I can’t be bothered to wash or clean or go to work. I don’t want to get up or go out. I can’t see the point any more.


    Our Response:

    This is a perfectly normal stage of grieving but you need to seek help to stop yourself seeking into a severe depression. Please see the responses to other comments below for some useful places to try, but your local Citizens’ Advice will be able to direct you to counsellors, local support groups etc.

  66. My cousin with whom Id grown up like brother and sister committed suicide 18 years ago when we were 24 years old. He left notes and apologies as he hung himself from a tree by a traintrack and knew the transport police would need to attend. It was not a cry for help, he wanted to leave. I had lots of dreams about him in the months after his death, where I dug him up from his grave and wrapped him up and took him home with me.. 18 years on and i still cannot get a handle on myself when ‘that song’ that was number one in the charts at the time comes on, his anniversary comes around 5th August or anything can set me off. I didnt have any counselling at the time and my heart is till shattered.

  67. Bert’s Mum – Your Question:

    My cousin with whom Id grown up like brother and sister committed suicide 18 years ago when we were 24 years old. He left notes and apologies as he hung himself from a tree by a traintrack and knew the transport police would need to attend. It was not a cry for help, he wanted to leave. I had lots of dreams about him in the months after his death, where I dug him up from his grave and wrapped him up and took him home with me. 18 years on and I still cannot get a handle on myself when ‘that song’ that was number one in the charts at the time comes on, his anniversary comes around 5th August or anything can set me off. I didnt have any counselling at the time and my heart is till shattered.


    Our Response:

    It’s never too late to consider counselling and the effects of trauma can last a lifetime if you don’t seek help, please do.

  68. My mum passed away in 2012. She had a shirt I’ll ess diagnosed in June and passsed in the October. I still feel angry and lonely as we were so close. I have my own family so I am occupied but feel I just can’t come to terms with her death. I miss her so much. I get very down and sometimes just have to go to bed to sleep

  69. Grief is born from love. I miss my mum so much every day is painful without her. Grief is tough as the more you loved the more you will grieve. I often talk to mum in my imagination. I love her so much. Grief is a journey and a hard one.

  70. Please help me. The sudden death with myself there of my beautiful daughter who was 15 years old has left me just existing not living. ..it was nearly 20 years ago however the devastating unbelievable loss to myself is just to unbearable. The physical and mental pain of getting through the day and night really is not livable. I still have not been able to say her name only write it down. I live for my other beautiful daughter who is still suffering a ten year illness and I live in fear of losing her to.

  71. I would like some advice to how to control my emotions, it’s coming upto a year since my dad suddenly passed away he was 55 he went in his sleep and my mum found him. I’ve bin strong for my mum and helping her through, but when I’m at home I just cry secretly so my children and my partner don’t see but they no I’m sad. I’m not a horrible person but I seem to be taking allot out on my partner of 11 years and the last thing i want is to split my own family up! I just need advice or maybe even a chat with someone who knows how to control emotions. I would appreciate any advice! Thanks

  72. I lost my mum 17th jan 2015 to cancer and it still feels like yesterday. Mothers day is coming and im so angry. I miss my mum so much. Im not the same person. Losing my mum is the hardest thing to deal with.

  73. Jo – Your Question:

    I lost my mum 17th jan 2015 to cancer and it still feels like yesterday. Mothers day is coming and im so angry. I miss my mum so much. Im not the same person. Losing my mum is the hardest thing to deal with.


    Our Response:

    You’re right, it’s very hard to deal with. We hope this website helps a little and that you can find support from one of the organisations name or a local forum/group or counsellor.

  74. BBC radio Five Live has been covering the subject of what it’s like to lose your mother. It’s on again this afternoon (7th march) with Tony Livesy talking to Martin Lewis about how he lost his mother as a boy. It might be worth a listen?

  75. My wife died on 27th Jan last, it would have been our 50 anniversary this April. I feel so guilty that I did not do enough for her, I don’t know what more I could have done but there must have been something. We were soulmates all those years and I love her so much, she was my life.She was a fantastic person and my life is now just one massive hole. Things friends say, things I see and hear just set me off again.

  76. I lost my mum on 7th Feb this year after she battled with a 4 year bed ridden illness ..She sought medical help but was told we dont know whats wrong with you and told there was nothing left to test. She was failed over the 4 years and passed suddenly.I am at present awaiting 2 investigations which should be concluding within the next 2 weeks and awaiting an inquest date. I am in a demanding job which consist of 14 hour shifts a day and am really struggling with having to cope with everyday life as well as work .. I cant afford to take anytime off work as I have rent to pay ..All I want to do is sob my heart out and get this pain out but im stuck in a busy life and Feel like im going to lose my mind

  77. Mustang – Your Question:

    I lost my mum on 7th Feb this year after she battled with a 4 year bed ridden illness.She sought medical help but was told we dont know whats wrong with you and told there was nothing left to test. She was failed over the 4 years and passed suddenly.I am at present awaiting 2 investigations which should be concluding within the next 2 weeks and awaiting an inquest date. I am in a demanding job which consist of 14 hour shifts a day and am really struggling with having to cope with everyday life as well as work. I cant afford to take anytime off work as I have rent to pay.All I want to do is sob my heart out and get this pain out but im stuck in a busy life and Feel like im going to lose my mind


    Our Response:

    It’s very early days so please try not to panic about things never getting any better. Will your employer not allow you to reduce your shifts while you’re going through this tough time? Please give CRUSE a call on 0808 808 1677 for some support and also talk to friends and family about ways they can help you or simply be a listening ear for a while.

  78. I lost my mum yesterday. I am in bits I can’t cope with it. She was my best friend. She died of small cell lung cancer. She had it just over a month. I also lost my dad in 2004 to cancer. My mum and dad had 9 children together. I don’t think I could ever get over this. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this? I know I lost her yesterday but it’s killing me I am 24 years old.

  79. Jose – Your Question:

    I lost my mum yesterday. I am in bits I can’t cope with it. She was my best friend. She died of small cell lung cancer. She had it just over a month. I also lost my dad in 2004 to cancer. My mum and dad had 9 children together. I don’t think I could ever get over this. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this? I know I lost her yesterday but it’s killing me I am 24 years old.


    Our Response:

    We’re so sorry to hear about your mum. Please talk to someone. Your GP may be able to recommend a counsellor or you could try Cruse Bereavement Care for support.

  80. I’m not sure if I need therapy or counselling? Or if it would be helpful to me? I suddenly lost my mum a year ago & it was the worst time of my life… I thought I had gone through most grief stages, but I have just been told by people close to me that they are worried about me, I’m usually laid back, but they feel I’m constantly irritable, bristling under the surface. This was a surprise to me! I don’t want to appear irritated to people, I feel like I should address this but I’m not sure how? I’m not very good at talking about emotions, I tend to keep stuff in…. my peeps are worried I’m going to have a major explosion soon…. any advice …please, thank you x

  81. KJ71 – Your Question:

    I’m not sure if I need therapy or counselling? Or if it would be helpful to me? I suddenly lost my mum a year ago & it was the worst time of my life. I thought I had gone through most grief stages, but I have just been told by people close to me that they are worried about me, I’m usually laid back, but they feel I’m constantly irritable, bristling under the surface. This was a surprise to me! I don’t want to appear irritated to people, I feel like I should address this but I’m not sure how? I’m not very good at talking about emotions, I tend to keep stuff in. my peeps are worried I’m going to have a major explosion soon. any advice.please, thank you x


    Our Response:

    We can’t say for sure as we don’t know you of course, but it’s always worth considering counselling/therapy. If you can try a few sessions, you may get a feel for whether it’s what you need. Talk to your GP about it.

  82. I am 72 years old. My partner died 3 years ago. Although he was married we lived together as man and wife for more than 25 years. When he died / I was pushed aside by his trustees and left on my own. 3 years later Probate has not been completed. Although I receive an allowance and am well provided for / I feel as if I have been put into Limbo until his estate is settled. My family lives in the USA but I have not lived there for more than 30 years .. I feel lonely. My friends have mostly moved away or are dead. Recently started having panic attacks / three years later.. I don’t know what to do

  83. Lonely – Your Question:

    I am 72 years old. My partner died 3 years ago. Although he was married we lived together as man and wife for more than 25 years. When he died / I was pushed aside by his trustees and left on my own. 3 years later Probate has not been completed. Although I receive an allowance and am well provided for / I feel as if I have been put into Limbo until his estate is settled. My family lives in the USA but I have not lived there for more than 30 years. I feel lonely. My friends have mostly moved away or are dead. Recently started having panic attacks / three years later. I don’t know what to do


    Our Response:

    Please do seek help from local support organisations (your local Citizens’ Advice will have some details) and organisations like CRUSE . It’s very difficult but the more you try at the moment, the more likely you will make new friends and find support. It will get better…

  84. I lost my Grandfather suddey almost a year ago. We were so close and I am still really struggling with his death. I have days when I am fine and then days when my heart just aches, I miss him so much and can’t stop crying. Other days I just feel numb.. I am always busy with my sons and work but then his death hits me like a truck. I really don’t know how to cope with his death

  85. My daughter age 31 passed away nine years ago and my mum seven months later. That was hard as I looked after both of them in their last months. Seven weeks ago my son also passed away age 33 very suddenly. I am struggling very much to cope as my remaining son age 38 is an addict.. I feel I have no support

  86. 28th of Aug is a year since I found my dad who had passed away, totally unexpected and to say my heart is in pieces is an understatement. I stopped crying for 3 months and thought I’m getting used to the idea that’s he’s passed and out of no where it hit me again that he’s not here. I didn’t know I could cry this much. I lay awake or wake up always around 2 am for the sake of it, and then the wondering kicks if, what ifs and questions about anything I need to ask and why didn’t I, did he feel anything was he ok. I don’t know where to turn. I feel stuck yet lost. I don’t get why even though I understand I doubt I’m making much sense but I am to me. I really miss my dad, it’s killing me that there’s no more just what I’ve had (memories) whens it going to feel better it feels like it’s getting worse

  87. My daughter passed july 4. I wasnt there. She was my only child 28. She had cml cancer. Had the transplant but caught an infection. Her father never went to see her but now he’s mourning her. He got an tomb stone in his family plot but got her name wrong. My sister’s take over. My daughter received a birthday card at her house but ill never see it. I have a great church family and Pastor but i dont know how to tell them what i nerd.

  88. My 1 year old niece was murdered by her mothers boyfriend on June 28th. He has not been sentenced yet. His trial starts soon and it’s going to be a long journey. My brother just found out a few days ago he has another daughter from his ex girlfriend. He never knew she was pregnant. She was just born. The baby looks exactly like my niece who passed away. My brother is getting custody of his new child because her mother doesnt want her. Sad right? Well i cant get over the fact that if i get close to this baby, I’ll be replacing my niece and I dont want to replace her. I dont want to ever forget her and I dont think I can ever be close to this baby because if what happened to my niece and I miss her so much.I dont know how to feel. Somedays I feel confused and mad and sad and depressed and I’ll think of the happy memories with my niece but then I think of how she suffered and it makes me sick and I cry and I feel I have no one to talk to about my feelings. I need someone who isn’t grieving, someone who won’t judge me for the way I grieve.

  89. So, when I was 10 years old, my dad committed suicide whilst drunk and in a depressive slump. He was an alcoholic and had been caught drink driving with me in the car. He died June 8th in hospital after spending 4 days in hospital including his birthday June 7th. I took this hard, I was so close to my dad and I love him still – his voice I cant remember but I am reminded of his face everyday. After this, my mother who had separated from my father when I was three, well our relationship became worse. We had already been fighting but it got ten times worse, as in, I ran at her age 11 with a knife and she pinned me down and slapped me in rage. Things were terrible. I was close to my grandparents, had been all my life, and moved in with them age 13. My behaviour got better and my life became perfect. My mother and I remained in hurt with eachother and never really got over it. Until I was 15. We began to talk more and I stayed over a few times when my grandparents went away on holiday. Our relationship, although not close like a normal mother an son, had healed and we could talk without hate or anger. We loved eachother, always had but this time we could both feel it. My mum was always a very sick woman, she had been diabetic since age 8 and never really took care of herself. She loved sugar, GOD DID SHE LOVE SUGAR. You know, she had a cupboard full of sweets and cakes. I was never privellage to that. Anyway! My mums health had deteriorated over the past 2 years. She’d had her Gaul Bladder removed and had terrible abdominal pain that sent Doctors clueless as she came in and out of hospital. Eventually they worked out what it was earlier this year and removed a kidney stone which had been left in. After this, she got sepsis. She was so close to deaths door but recovered, all the while having to have her whole set of teeth taken out and replaced due to gum erosion. She overcame all of that. So much. Two days before Halloween, she had gotten her smile back and was looking forward at returning to work on the 5th November. But…on the 31st October, at age 42, she suffered an enormous heart attack whilst asleep in bed. She died. I at age 16 am now an orphan. I have hopes and ambitions, I am an actor and a politics student and wish to become a Drama Teacher or Local Councillor, but I cannot now. I simply dont know how to grapple with the loss of both parents so young. I am 16 and a Christian claimed to me that ‘it was in God’s plan’ I mean. Maybe but dont say that to an atheist. My Mum’s funeral is on the 20th and I am going to read out a poem. But regardless, how do I move on

  90. My husband lost his mom in August unexpectedly and she was rather young and looked phenomenal! This was over 7 months ago. In November I got horrifically sick and my husband had to take care of me for over 4 months. My brain was distorted at the time and last Monday I came out of this state and returned to a very different man. He is physically ill and doesn’t sleep. He won’t talk to me and is so distant. He refuses to go to grief or marriage counseling and after nearly 24 years of marriage he acts like he doesn’t want me anymore. I feel like I fought so hard to get back to him as I could have passed easily. I had no visitors other than my children occasionally and now I may lose it all! I have been crying my eyes out every day and in a way wished I had given in instead of fighting so hard. I’m afraid my husband won’t want me at the end because he doesn’t now. My heart is broken and I don’t know if anything will change or if I should go but I love my husband so! ??

  91. My husband had a massive heart-attack early hours of the 21 feb, he had been experiencing some peculiar sensation over a couple of days, the evening before he died he said he thought an ambulance, I said he would be better going straight to hospital. He wouldn’t go and promised to go GP in the morning. He came to at 1 o’clock in the morning saying he felt worse. I phoned 999. The said sending someone, he went to the outside door to get some fresh air. His breathing was so bad I couldn’t do anything to help him. I rephoned 999 they said someone was on their way. He had an urine accident so went the bathroom. He was so mad with him self and embarrassed that I had to help him, I got him back to sit on the bed and went to make sure doors open and lights on, I heard him shout me, I went him to him and he was on the floor phoned 999 I had to do CPR. In they came, they tried everything and couldn’t bring him back. He was announced dead at 1.50 am. I felt if I had phoned ambulance when he said he might still be alive.even thou the doctors and paramedics have said he would still have had a massive heart-attack even in hospital that he wouldn’t return from. I miss him so much. We only been together for 7 years and would have been married two years in July. We hardly spent time apart since moving in together 6 years ago. We did everything together, when I wasn’t working. .my work is my saving grace now because if I am not working I am home crying most of the time, I carnt think about my husband without crying, I not only feel my heart is torn in two I have so much physical pain in every joint, I think proper forget so much. I am sorry it’s a long post just thought it would help if I wrote my feelings down. It doesn’t I am still think my husband will come walking.

  92. I lost my husband of 55 years on February 28, 2019. He was in and out of the hospital since January 2019. He had been ill for the last 4 years and on oxygen, he never left the house except to go to the doctors, so we were together 24/7 except when I needed to run errands, which were very rushed since he did not want to be alone. When the oxygenator was removed from my home I felt the lose even more since there was no longer the sound of it pumping away. I have tried one grief counseling session, with about 12 people, there was 1 women there that needed to be talking all of the time and no one else got a chance to say anything. Do you feel that I need some private counseling or a smaller group of people. Thank you for your response.

  93. My father has only recently passed away. I did get the chance to see him before, but for the last 3 years his partner made it very difficult for my family to visit him. We had to make appointments and she always said it wasn’t convenient. My father had to give up driving and so was relent on her, which she complained about if she had to drive him anywhere. After discovering that she was trying to sell his house, which he didn’t understand as he had dementia I was told not to visit. Over the last 2 years all she has done is complain about him, but wouldn’t leave as he had money to pay for everything. Now he’s died and I and my brother are not allowed in his home still. Since his funeral she’s not even asked where his ashes are. This is having such an effect on our family we are unable to grieve properly. It’s as if we never had a father in her eyes. I’m at a loss how anybody could be so cruel. His grandchildren have not even been allowed to our childhood home. Why is she like this.

  94. My Son turned 26 yrs. Old on 2/20/20 On 2/24/20 I got a called that my son was killed in a wreck by an 18 wheeler. I just put my beautiful child to rest on 3/7 20 which is his Father’s birthday. I feel so numb. I have my days when I breakdown and cry. And then I find things to do to keep myself busy. Im really dying on the inside, but then at the same time I feel like I don’t have any emotions at all. Is this normal

  95. My mother in law, aged 95, died on 15/4/20 from advanced Alzheimer’s. I was her 24/7 carer with support. Since her death- and especially since the funeral-I have been subject to extreme fits of tears and been unable to do normal things most days. I lost my husband 12 years ago and feel as bad, if not worse, than I did then. Her death on what would have been my wedding anniversary added to the grief. I was out in touch with bereavement counselling, but am still waiting for contact. Covid 19 has put everything on hold and – I probably sound selfish and childish – those who have lost loved ones to the virus seem to take precedence. I have had a difficult 3 years, protecting Mam from theft by a former LPA, and the legal stuff is still ongoing. I need to be strong enough to deal with it all as I have no close family support. I am shattered and floundering.

  96. Hi I lost my mom 13th Feb 2020 unexpectedly we were in seperable she loved my kids n husband she lived with us n I am really struggling my husband is great but I am sure he is fed up with me being crying every day.he tries to give me good advice about seeing someone but I just snap at him n think he doesn’t care I don’t feel like am a good wife lately.is anyone else like this

  97. I am gay woman and just lost my long term partner. although we had a large age difference My partner was transgender and we were not well accepted in the village had a couple of friends. It is so hard because I ended up as her carer and could not be with her in hospital as I normally used to go in every time. Could not visit or be with her at the end, or even view her body. The hospital also lost a precious to me piece of jewellery she always wore. I arranged the funeral in two halves, for the families sake and the woman she was. Now I have to get out of what was our home as she took property reversion lease, although, there is some doubt it was legal. I am absolutely distraught and do not know where to go for understanding in my situation. The house and my life is empty.

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