The Rights to Obtain a Headstone?

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What may be put on a grave site depends upon both the Deed of Grant as related to the plot and the rules and regulations of cemetery in which the grave resides.

Generally it is only the person who is named on the Deed of Grant to a cemetery plot who can erect memorials and decide upon the inscription of these items, but there may be some situations in which others can become involved. If, for example, the Deed of Grant has expired and needs to be extended then it may be that a second individual can become involved and do this. Similarly, if the person named on the Deed of Grant dies then the Deed becomes a part of his or her estate or is given to his or her next of kin.

However, for individuals who want to become more involved in the grave without waiting for one of these events, then a transfer of Deed can be undertaken. This requires the person named on the Deed to agree to transfer the title, and requires that both the person named on the Deed and the person to whom the Deed is transferring must register the new information at the cemetery office.

In addition to having the right to erect a memorial via the Deed of Grant, what may be put on a grave site must also conform to the cemetery s rules and regulations. These guidelines may specify the size and/or shape of a memorial, the type of materials which may be used, the number of items which may be erected and also cover smaller items such as permanent vases and plaques. These guidelines will also cover who has the right to erect or leave such items, so it is important to make sure that they are totally understood before any decisions are made regarding memorials.

If, after you check on both the Deed and the cemetery s regulations, you find that you will be unable to erect a gravestone as desired then you might consider another way of honouring your father. Planting a tree or flowers in his name, donating a bench in his name, erecting a plaque somewhere else in the cemetery or in another location may be possible ways by which his presence is acknowledged without requiring the Deed to his plot.

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  1. my stepfather died several years ago, he was the named deed holder to my mother’s grave…the headstone has now fallen over..do I have to trace the deeds before i can get it put back up and anchored…no one knows what happened to the deeds, also, there are 6 of us, could we all have our names on the deeds? and how would we go about doing this

  2. my brother has the deed to my mums grave but no one can find him have not seen him since funeral 4 years ago why is the law so wrong in putting a headstone on my mum which i cant do could the council reright the deed if he cant be found all i want is my mum to rest properly

  3. @Sharon. Can you contact the solicitor who undertook any Will or probate work at the time of her death? He may know the whereabouts of your brother or be able to get a copy of the deeds for you.

  4. how do you originally get to become a deed holder? Does it need to be next of kin or can anyone be deed holder? History – My grandmother died 8 years ago and paid for her whole funeral with her accounts which was made dormant but my mum was able to retrieve the money from the bank. My Grandmother’s sister put her name on the plot and now she is dead and is buried with my grandmother. Now her children have changed the deed’s over to one of them and want to make changes to the headstone. Do we have any rights?

  5. @Yo. I think you will need to contact a solicitor and the local council to find out who held the deeds originally and who were the next of kin/beneficiaries of the estate. They should also have details of name transfers etc.

  6. After losing our mum last year, my two brothers cosigned the deeds to the burial plot. Now there has been a falling out in the family and one of my brothers is refusing to sign to have my mums headstone erected.There is four children and need to know how to have the stone erected without his signiture.

  7. There are 3 custodians to my mothers grave including my sister, my stepdad and me. My sister is objecting to the fact that my stepdad wants a blank space on the gravestone for when he one day dies, also she objects to him being buried in the plot. He refuses to sign any paper work until he gets his wishes. How can we move forward?

  8. We cannot put headstone on mums plot due to my 2 brothers in a dispute and both co owners of the plot why can’t one make a decission without the other because mum won’t be at rest till the stone goes on who do we ask for this to happen as me and my sister are devestated over it all mum should be at rest now were a year on

  9. Our father died in May last year. He had re-married some nine years agao and I belive that the rights to the grave are his wifes. since my father died, she has informed us that she does not want our names on the gravestone ad since then our contact with her has come to an end. sadly though, there is still no gravestone erected. We are upset and all we want is a stone over my fathers’s grave. We are concerened that his wife has not been to the grave butr we obvioulsy want a gravestone for our father. Do we have any rights at ll and can we seek permission to have a gravestone erected?? Or is there simply no hope? Of course when his wife passes on the I understand the rights to the grave become her direct next of kin?? So again a problem for us? Please help.

  10. My older brother died in 1950, at one day old. My mother still lay in the hospital when the baby was buried. The shock and lasting hurt prevented my family from ever marking the grave, and my mother requested, on her death bed, that we place a marker on my brother’s grave. My father died before her. We no longer have a deed. The cemetery is full. The cemetery keeper insists that the marker must be very small, and lie level to the ground. Even a low profile stone is unacceptable because “it’s too hard to mow the lawn.” Are there places where records of grave deeds reside? (Dearborn, MI.) Do rules at the time of purchase still apply? He clearly has no compassion! Does he have this much authority even when some older nearby baby gravesides have large or vertical slab monuments?

  11. My friend’s husband died a little over 2 years ago. He was buried but they did not have the money at the time to erect a gravestone. Now she wants to add one but found out that his sister has already put one on his grave. This stone does not include the things that her husband wanted on his stone and my friend is wondering how someone else besides his wife was allowed to decide to place a stone there. What are her rights to get the stone changed?

  12. i have just lost my mum and my two sisters are asking can they take over the transfer deed i have to write letter saying yes but i want to do it as well but they said only two names can do it

  13. Hi, My aunty died in January 2012, when she died my cousin and I arranged for a headstone to be erected using the funds from her estate. Sadly due to a family dispute with my aunt’s two children who she’d disassociated herself from them. Her children stopped the headstone being erected and took her estate. I do not know who has the deed of grant to the grave as I have never communicated with my two cousins. I wanted advice to see if we could put a vase on the grave with my aunt’s name on it out of respect for her memory and what if any do her children have to remove it. I have heard that my cousin does not want her to be remembered and is very bitter that she abandoned him and his sister when they were children. I asked for my aunt to buried near my mother and that request has been granted as my cousin didn’t want anything to do with clearing her flat or the burial arrangements. I hope you can assist with my dilemma.

  14. My mother and father divorced in 1994, my father remarried and died in 2007 his wishes were to be cremated and his ashes scattered with his mother & father brother & sister. his wishes were granted by his four daughters. Iwent to the cemetary to put flowers on my mother,s grave and noticed that his second wife,s children have put his name on their mother,s headstone without our permision.Have they got the right to do this without contacting us as in effect my father is not burried there. Many Thanks Sandra

  15. My family are in dispute over the inscription of the grave headstone to my grandfather’s grave. The two executors are divided and representing several beneficiaries. Each party wished to add additional personal wording but no agreement could be reached. The last proposal made by one side was that only names and dates were added but this was rejected. There appears no agreement will ever be reached and it is not over 2 years with no headstone. Is there any form of arbitration or court application that can be made ?

  16. My father died just over a year ago. someone else has is the grave owner, but by law i am my fathers next of kin. as he was not married, had no surviving parents so by law his next of kin is his eldest surviving daughter which is me. Even though someone else is the owner to the grave. Me and my family have paid almost all of the price of the headstone. As i am next of kin, does this mean that if i dont agree with something that is being put on my dads headstone then i have the right to say it shouldnt be on there, as by law i am his next of kin?

  17. My friend passed away last year and now her granddaughter and i are ready to erect a headstone. Everything was left to me as executor of the will with expressed wishes for nothing to be left to her estranged husband and son. The son is challenging my right to erect the headstone, carrying out my friends wishes. This is a burial in a churchyard which i have paid for. Whose right is it to sort the headstone?

  18. hi, my mom lost her mother when she was 13 and over the years lost contact with members of her mother’s family. For many years my mum was unable to visit her mother’s grave as she found it too distressing, last year however she finally had the courage to visit her grave only to find the gravestone had no mention that she was a mother to my mom and that her date of birth was wrong. My mom was an only child and is hoping she would be able to get this changed. would that be possible? or can you offer any advice as to where she could obtain this information? Many Thanks

  19. my sister died in 1988 her then partner delt with the funeral the following year he himself died so his family have the deeds but they maybe all dead we dont know any of them but now we want to erect a headstone but cant because we dont have the deeds how can we get permission, i,ve been to the council office foned citizen advise bureau and contacted my local councilor waiting to hear from him any advise would b greatfully helpful 🙁

  20. hi, i wonder if someone could help me, my husband has recently passed away, as recently as a month ago, i know a headstone can not be put up just yet but i need to know who has this right to decide on one etc. my husbands parents decided on my husbands funeral and where he was going to be burried etc. Do i have any rights to a headstone? my late husbands parents and myself do not communicate despite me trying. i just want what i know my husband would of wanted.

  21. A friend died and was buried in churchyard ‘A’ by his wife, complete with headstone. His family members have had an almost identical headstone dedicated to him erected in churchyard ‘B’. This gives the impression that he is buried in churchyard ‘B’ – which he isn’t, he is in churchyard ‘A’ with a headstone. Is it legal to have a headstone erected in a churchyard marking a grave that does not exist as it is at best misleading?

  22. when my nan passed away my grandad bought the grave,hisname ison the deeds,when my dad passes away he wanted be buried with his parents but had to get the deeds off a family member,because no one had claimed them they put the deeds in my name for the burial to go ahead because nobody had claimed them,does the family have the right to demand them back and signed over into there name

  23. hello my dad died before myself and brother could start contact again but we met our granny but she has now died and we dont kow who will have rights to ur dads grave as we want to put up a headstone and remove the cross placed there i dont know who holds the deeds as none of the family will give us any info at all!

  24. after a long search we found out were my sister was buried in 1950 ,it was a public service ,and no 1 ever went near to were she was buried ,no grave stone nothing,so we managed to find out the plot were she is, and would like to put a vase and flowers there with her name on it as she was for gotten,ther is only my sisters and brothers are a live not our parents,so can we do this with out permission

  25. someone put a headstone on my brother’s grave and want to remain anoymous. They said that their a friend and was tired of seeing that he did 7years and did not have one, however his son ordered on special made and now he can’t put it down. should the cemetery have allowed this to happen. What can be done? please help us this is a very sensative issue because my brother was murdered.

  26. do you no were my daughter would get funding to help buy a headstone for her son my daughter is 18 yrs not working her son my grandson was 13 weeks and 6 days when he past he is and was her life we got no answers why he past he was a lovely baby i no every baby is but he had a smile all the time and made you smile aswell thank you

  27. My late brother’s sister in law (one of the executors and trustees) has had a headstone erected on his grave with part of the inscription reading – a loving husband and brother. As I was his only sibling, I object to this as he was anything but loving. Can I insist on this reference being removed?

  28. My Husband is the deed holder of his parents grave, but his family have not spoken to him for years until his mother passed away last year, can his family put up a new stone without my husbands permission? and if they do this by forging his signature would this be a criminal offence. Kim

  29. Hi Maz I am curious as to what the outcome was with your headstone issue? As my father is having a similar issue with his estranged half brother and sisters. All over the inscription he wishes to be put on the headstone in loving memory of his departed mother. Hope to hear from you soon.

  30. My brother died about 9 years ago and his wife or any of his grown up children have bothered to put a headstone up for him, All he has is a piece of wood with his name on it. which is very hard to see, Would I as his sister be able to have one put there without their permission as we no longer have any contact.

  31. My Sons Father died in Ill. His second wife wants a headstone that the family would rather not have. she is estranged and hated by the whole family because of how she cheated on him. My Son and the family want to know if we can change the headstone to match that of the rest of the family? It is not put up yet, but there is no talking to this woman.

  32. My mum died in 76 when I was only 8,myself & my younger brother are now in a financial position to buy a headstone but do not have or know exactly where the deeds are ! What do we do now & am I not within my rights to have the deeds as I am next of kin & now an adult !

  33. My father died two years ago this summer and was buried along with his father. My grandmother, who then died 6 months after my father was buried in the same plot so we left my fathers brother to update the headstone. My father was an alcoholic who pushed everyone away and in turn, my sister and I also stopped speaking to his side of the family. When down at the grave, my sister noticed my ‘uncle’ only stated that my father was a dear son and brother, with no mention of him being a father and completely ignoring our existence. No matter what issues my father had, he loved his children to the end. We decided we wanted to have a small stone made to put beside the large headstone with a small dedication from us. We found out that we may need to go through his brother so when my mother spoke to him he is now demanding that we do not put anything up with his permission and he wants to see the plans for themstone prior to putting it down. After him ignoring the fact my dad is a father and then demanding to see our plans for the stone we are at the end of our tether and would not be surprised if he said no. Because our father is in the same plot, should we have to get permission? Can he really say no? And if it does come to this, can we go to the solicitors and fight to get a small plaque for him? It would be much appreciated if someone could get back to me?

  34. @Jax. The local council for the area where your mother was buried should have records of the deeds of grant for everyone in cemetries in that area.

  35. My grandmother’s name is on the family burial plot , she died over 30 years ago,my mother(her daughter)died in 2011 and her ashes put in the plot , my father had just given permission for his sister in law’s ashes to go in the plot and has been told that the law has just changed and because my grandmothers name is still on the deeds that she cannot go in that plot , my mother has one surviving sister , do the deeds automatically go to her , my father has spent £8,000 on the headstone and insurance .

  36. annie…can you find out who was named as next of kin on your grandmother’s deeds? I guess it would have been your mother or one of her siblings? If it transferred to the surviving sister then speaking to her would be your best solution. Hope all goes well for you – it’s sad that you and your father should have to go through this after losing someone.

  37. My mum’s husband of twenty-five years died and was cremated, We discovered he had purchased four burial plots in his name only, he had purchased them when my mum and him first got together. My mum wanted to sell them to offset the cost of burying him. plots worth 6 thousand, her husband burial cost was 8 thousand. the cemetery would not let her sell them until my mum has his son from previous marriage to sign off interest, he will not sign, so my mum wants to keep the plots but she wants the paper work in her name and she wants to have a beneficiary to go to her son, to do what he wants to do with them after her death. How can she do that? without occurring any more cost or losing them to her step son who doesn’t want to sign off.

  38. Jamman. As next of kin, your mother should have the rights of the burial deeds. There must be something additional in the wording of the deeds. You’ll need to examine the deeds and the conditions…if necessary get some legal advice to help you and maybe come to some kind of arrangement with the other parties. Sorry not to be of more help, but without more information that’s all we can say. Good Luck

  39. My family want to buy the deeds to my mothers grave and change the headstone. I want all of my siblings on the deeds as I feel it is only right. One of my siblings is hated by the whole family and has been estranged for some time. I’ve tried everything I can think of to find her but have been unsuccessful. Is there a way I can include her name on the deeds without her signature?!! She is the eldest of all of us so surely she would be next of kin?

  40. My mother had a headstone erected by my sisters ex husband . He has admitted this was done illegally because the deeds had not been transferred to another name , and are still in my mothers name . I have applied to have them transferred . One sister and brother have agreed ,but another sister has not. This means no ashes can be interred with my mother or maintenance on headstone cannot be carried out , my father is also buried in the same plot .a Myself and my brother are executors to my mothers will . Is there anything I can do ?

  41. Debbie: As an executor you may be able to transfer the ownership. If your mother left an estate of sufficient value to require the ‘Grant of Probate to executors’, then ownership of the grave can be transferred to the executors (ie. you and your brother). If the estate is not of sufficient value, ownership may be transferred to the executor(s) named in the will by Statutory Declaration and the production of the will. It is your responsibility as an executor to identify the correct person for the transfer of ownership and assent the transfer by completing an Assent of Executor or Administration form. It’s not clear if all the siblings need to give their assent in the above scenario so if all family members continue to act against the others’ wishes then legal mediation will be required unfortunately.

  42. My mum passed away 4 years ago in January of this year, and I have the deeds to my mums plot, can I stop a member of the family going up to the grave side, as she causes trouble every time she goes up to my mums plot, I have told her to keep away from my mum as she ain’t welcome and she keeps telling me I will go if I want and you can’t stop me so can I stop her coming to the cemetery thanks may

  43. Hi my mom passed away just a few months ago supposedly she didn’t leave a will a week later my brother and his wife gave me a notirised paper that my mom signed leaving me power of attorney of all her affairs but now I found out that’s not legal because power of attorney expires as soon as the person departs. Power of attorney is only to make decisions for a living person. I think she had a will but I think someone made it disappear. Since my mom died these particular family members have tried to sell everything my mom owned they went as far as pressing false charges against me to make me look “unfit to handle moms affairs” I simply wanted to mourn in peace. My mom did have much a small home and land but my niece lived with my mom and she wanted my niece to remain there but these family members are trying to put her out. Now as I was trying to save the money to buy a headstone they bought one and posted pics on social media sites and making rude comments about how I didn’t help pay or now I can’t put one because they already have. Not only did these spiteful family members leave me to mourn alone then kicked me when I was down only because my mom tried to leave me in charge of everything. I simply want to be left alone I haven’t tried to fight for any rights but all of this does bother me. How can I make this stop it appears to be a personal vegence of some sort. What are my rights if there is no will? Is it true that I can’t add to the stone they bought or add a small one of my own?

  44. Hello I was looking for some advice my son died last year and me and he’s father were never married we split many years ago my family payed half of the funeral costs and my sons father payed the remainder of the bill the grave was registered in he’s name i don’t know why this happened could I get my name put jointly on the the ownership of my sons grave Many thanks

  45. @Monski. You would need to request this from your son’s father. As the current owner, he is the one who can give his consent to transferring the deed ownership.

  46. Hello I have asked a question earlier about ownership of a grave my adult son passed away last year and even though my family payed more than half of the funeral costs he payed the remainder the grave papers were sent to him in he’s name my sons father and I never married my son has left a eleven year old son what I really want to know is why weren’t the grave ownership papers put in mine and he’s name rather than just he’s fathers And can my name be added to the ownership of the grave I have just payed for my sons headstone but had to get hes father to sign the forms so I could do this I don’t see why it’s all down to him as he has payed very little towards he’s sons funeral

  47. Its been 16 years since my sister passed way, Her partner & My Nieces are still refusing to put head stone on her cremation plot, this is causing so much heartache for our family, , we have offered to give money to help to no avail, Can I take it up the legal path to obtain permission to erect a stone , or how long do we have to wait???

  48. My son has been dead for two years now and there is no headstone at the grave. I have asked h his wife if she would like help with it but, she said no, but maybe eventually. It breaks my heart when I go visit the cemetary and there is no headstone. Am I the only one who feels hurt by this? What can I do?

  49. hello there, my husband got killed two years ago (12th Aug 2012) his family never accepted me in the 25 years that I knew him, we had been separated for three months at the time of his death, my husband wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered in Cornwall, he didn’t believe in god and called himself agnostic, his family made it very awkward for me to organise the funeral, and in the end I bowed out and let them take over, not even attending the funeral. six weeks after the funeral I found out that his parents hadn’t collected his ashes, so I made enquiries – soon after they were collected and buried in a church yard where his father had grown up. two years on there is still no headstone, I have approached the vicar to enquire about laying one, and have been told that I have to be granted permission by his parents. in the mean time I have pushed a vase into the ground and put roses in them and also a little plastic card – both of these items have been removed and not by the vicar nor the groundsman. I class this as sacred ground. is there anything I can do?

  50. I lost my partner last year, we were engaged to be married this year I am also the executor of his Will along with his oldest son, he also has two other children. Will I have any say in the erecting of his headstone when the time comes?

  51. My mom passed away 4-19-2013 because of liver cancer my name is Eddie Castaneda my mom put my name on the papers to make all arrangements my soon to be ex wife put me in jail three days after my mom passed away I never got a chance to do anything I barely made it to the funeral I went to the grave and the headstone was changed my dad passed away 2001 and beside my beloved father was a picture of Jesus now its a virgin Maryand by moms name a virgin mary .what do I do I’m really upset .

  52. My Mum died 1949 when I was 7yrs old and my brother 5. We never knew where the burial plot was until recently when my brother did a search. The grave is unmarked and we would like to put a small memorial stone on the grave. Is it possible to just place it there ourselves? Given that our Mother’s death was 62 years ago we are not sure of the procedure re deeds etc. Hope someone can help please.

  53. @Cravalnor. The simplest thing to do would be to contact the local authority. If you are the next of kin, it’s likely that the deeds would be transferred to you enabling you to place a memorial stone.

  54. My wifes parents took over the burial of my wife. have i any rights to get a headstone put on grave.they seem to be trying to take over that to. please reply asap to put my mind at rest

  55. we lost our Aunt in July and as we do not speak to her brothers and sisters there where problems getting the plot opened for her burial as they where being usually awkward. As we did not have permission of the person who owns the deeds we could not place her name on the memorial stone under her mums and dads instead we got a memorial stone made and placed this on her grave. Her sister has since been in touch screaming we did not have permission to put the memorial there and stated we needed to remove this by Friday ( even tho they never seen their sister in years now they want to know). I was just wondering if they have the right to tell us tho remove this and is there anything we can do?

  56. @jen. Unfortunately they do, as they are the ones holding the deeds. Could you try negotiating with them at all? Maybe through a third party.

  57. Thank you for getting back to me, unfortunately they have removed the memorial and we have been told they didnt mind her being buried there but they want no name of hers to be on grave ! Our we not allowed to put anything in flowers ect? I

  58. @jen. How despicable of your relatives! If I were you I’d just keep going back and putting the memorial stone back there everytime I visited!

  59. @Jen. This is appalling behaviour. Perhaps you could get some legal advice to see if there is anything else that can be done? There is nothing to prevent you from putting flowers on a grave, so you can continue to do that.

  60. My mother requested a funeral home to add an inscription to my father’s headstone, but was not informed they would be removing the headstone in order to complete the engraving. She walked upon the grave yesterday and is very upset because the headstone was removed without anyone notifying her. We have been in contact with the funeral home and they say it is okay that they removed the headstone without her permission and without letting her know. Shouldn’t there be a procedure in place to ensure the bereaved person understands what will happen to the headstone? She would never have agreed to it being moved because she and my dad made a pact that neither of them would ever be in an “unmarked” grave.

  61. @missi. Unfortunately they have to remove the stone to do the engraving. Often it is several days after burial before the fully engraved headstone is available so there are many graves that spend a few days ‘unmarked’.

  62. hi my mum passed away 3 MThs ago, my sister had power of attonarny,my mum was catholic and my two sisters wanted to creamet her cause it was cheaper. But I fought this and she was buried.my mum didn’t make her power of attonary.she just took over. Both my sisters live in nsw.my younger sister and I asked the one that had power of attorney ,had she done the plaque for mum she said yes. I have rang the cemetery a number of times and they said she hasn’t. They sent her a letter which she didn’t reply. The state trustees were looking after mums bank book, and they sent her mail and tried to call a number of times with no reply. They sent the papers to my older sister, she filled them in but sent them back wrong.so they sent them to me.i need to know is there any thing we can do to get a plaque, she will never do it her and my mum hated each other. Its really stressing us 3 out.

  63. Hello. I was wondering do you have to be related to someone to have their inscribed on a headstone? My situation is that there was an elderly woman whom I loved very much and i was very close to. Neither of her two sons or five grandchildren added her name to the headstone. She is now dead twelve years. Can i legally have an inscription added to the headstone without their permission? This is in Northern Ireland.

  64. @shaney. unfortunately only the holder of the deeds can add a name to the headstone. You could try contacting one of the siblings/offspring and requesting that they allow you to do this. Alternatively, seek legal advice to get a court order to so (though this would be expensive and probably time consuming).

  65. Hi, my father purchased the plot next to my brother in 1994. We visited for his birthday and noticed the plot had been disturbed. On contacting the reverend has told me that as my father no longer lives in the area he would not automatically be able to be laid to rest there. Also that we need to mark the grave (don’t know what with) or it is also not “ours”. My father has deeds, although I’ve not seen the content of them. Where do i stand with this?

  66. My son died nearly 22 years ago as a prem baby my ex husband won’t give me the deeds to change the headstone as its looking very dated and I hate it even though I have no intention of changing the wording just the stone and surround. He’s a control freak and won’t even entertain my ideas. What do I need to do to get these deeds from him as I have as much right to them as him, and I was very poorly when he arranged the funeral and was in hospital????

  67. @kes000. You’d have to look at the terms and conditions of the cemetary as they differ a little from area to area. Churches (as opposed to municipal cemertaries) often have different procedures as to who is buried in their graveyards too. A temporary marker is usually made of stone.

  68. I am getting 2 grave plots one for my-self and one for my soon to be. I wanted to put a headstone in memory of my father on our plots because he was cremated and there is no where for us to place flowers am I able to do this or can anyone stop me?

  69. hi.my wifes father died in 1986,he lived with another woman at the time but was not married,engaged or anything.there were only two remaining siblings after his death,my wife and her brother,my wife being the eldest,the plot of burial was in my wifes name,but this other woman took the deeds when she left some years later.the problem we have now is that this other womans family are trying to claim rights to the plot after all these years,claiming that she was his partner for over ten years.any advice would be appreciated..thanks

  70. @joe. The deeds remain in the ownership of the person named on them (subsequently next of kin). Your wife should seek legal advice on as it’s not clear from your comment whether anything was signed over by her father at any point.

  71. My niece died around 22 years ago ,her mum has got the deeds ,my sister, my dad and mum have past and we put them in the same grave plot , as their wished for it been over 7 years I we keep ask to put a stone on their and my sister says nowe can’t is it anything We can do about it and my mum whant a stone put their before she past please can some one help

  72. @Kaz. A difficult situation to be in but there’s not a great deal you can do apart from to continue with gentle persuasion. A mediator might help – you can find a list at your local CAB.

  73. PLEASE HELP! My dad was married to this crazy woman before my mum and they bought a 2 story burial together. We did not find out until he died that she will be bury on top of him when she dies. And now the headstone says his and hers name when it should really say my mom’s name. Is there anything absolutely anything I can do since his ex wife refuses to give the plot to us!

  74. My father in-law passed away recently and was married but separated to an evil woman. He never wanted her anywhere near him in his last months and didn’t want her anywhere near his funeral. What rights has my partner on stopping her from leaving flowers on his grave as this is very upsetting to my partner and the family. Please help Thank you

  75. Hello my son wishes to put a headstone on his sons grave (his son died 2 years ago after a long illness) but my sons ex-wife says he cannot as the grave is in her name and she wants to pay for it. She is presently out of work and expecting twins with her new partner and has no idea when she will put a headstone up. (Their separation and subsequent divorce was very acrimonious). My son feels he needs to put up a headstone to honour his son and this is now causing him a lot of anxiety. Could you please tell us if he has any rights and if so what his next move should be.

  76. My sister has recently passed away and the title deeds for my mum and dads burial plot are in her name. On looking at them it says that they are now for my sister and her heirs. My sister was cremated however I am concerned that my families plot is now in the hands of her husbands family. Would this be correct? Also even though she has not been interred there I would love to have an inscription in her memory added below my mum and dad. Can I do this? Unfortunately the relationship between the families is not good so I cannot ask for permission. Thanks L

  77. @scotty. This would be very difficult to enforce/police unfortunately as flowers are portable and can easily be replaced.

  78. @Susie. The person who owns the deeds is the only one who can grant permission. Can they not come to some understanding where your son can contribute to the cost of the headstone?

  79. @Leanne. You will need to seek legal advice on this. It’s not usual for a name to be added to a headstone if the body is not interred there.

  80. Hi, I was wondering if I could have my name removed from my parents headstone my Father is still a live but I have nothing to do with him as he is a paediphile and my mother had another daughter before me and my twin brother named the same as me and we were treated so badly, my brother has committed suicide because of our father and I would like my name removed and I know he would have like it is it possible to do.

  81. Hi, I’ve just found my great gran parents grave, it is unmarked, so I just want to no what I can put on it. I can’t get the deeds as its in his name. And died in 1980, My grand parents are both gone, so they can’t help. I no I can put flowers on it. Can I put a solar light and decorate it abit. Cheers

  82. @Lukey2710 Where the original grave owner died then the deed transfer to next of kin. If no Will was left, contact the local cemetery offices for advice on how ownership can be transferred.

  83. Hello my daughter passed away over twenty years ago,aged 10 months, I split up from my husband her dad a few years later. I recently found out only my ex-husband is the owner of the plot, I have asked him many times to write and put it in joint names, he just does not bother it annoys me he never puts flowers and clean the grave I am the one who does it, he treated me terribly when I was pregnant. is there someway I can have the plot put in joint names. At the time I was 22 and did not know what was happening, I am finding this very upsetting.

  84. @tracey. The most likely way to achieve this is by a civil action in the courts unfortunately. Try writing to him first, stating your reasons for wanting your name on the deeds. If that is unsuccessful then ask Citizens Advice for a list of solictors in the area.

  85. I recently located my grandmother’s grave. She’s buried in another state, in an outlaw cemetery that isn’t kept up. She died in the mid 50s and the only family still alive are her 3 sons (who were toddlers when she died) and grandchildren. I have no idea who owns the plot/deed, or if anyone does at all. It’s in a back country, outlaw cemetery. My dad made a comment about how he wishes he could give her a better headstone. My brother & I want to surprise him with one. Are we allowed to do that? It would include removing the little, plain original headstone first.

  86. @maggie. It sounds like you’re in the USA and this is a UK based sites so we can only give advice on UK laws unfortunately.

  87. Hello, I was wondering if anyone knows of a charity who can help towards the cost of a gravestone for my great nephew. Since his death financially his mother has struggled as she is not well enough to return to full time work and had to move out of the house where she lived with her very sick son. She has had a donation of 50% of the cost and we have managed to find some more money towards it but am struggling to raise the rest. When her baby first died I found a charity who do contribute towards the cost but I now cannot find out which charity it was. I believe it was based in London probably in or near the borough of Richmond but despite searching the internet I now cannot find the details. Does anyone know of this charity or any other charity that may help. It is so sad that she lost her baby and even more sad that she now cannot lay him completely to rest without the headstone she has set her heart on.

  88. I have only found out recently that my fathers second wife has plans to place my mothers name on a headstone on a grave she isn’t buried in. This is deeply upsetting for my family members who do not wish it and worst of all it was not my mothers wish. I have contacted the officials of the council owned cemetry who have instructed me that anyone can put what they want on a headstone even the name of a person they don’t know as long as it isn’t offending anyone. We have contacted a solicitor and it seems there is actually nothing we can do about this as my dad’s second wife holds the deeds to the plot. I am writing to you, to ask how can relatives be protected from spiteful, revengeful relatives.

  89. Please can I obtain advice. My baby son was murdered by my then partner, we were both in prison awaiting a trail as he was saying it wasn’t him etc. When my child was been buried I had to sign paper given permission for the grandmother of my son ( child’s fathers mother) to have the deeds. I was cleared and ex partner got life, it has been over 10 years and my sons grave still hasn’t got a headstone my older children all in 20s really want there little brothers grave to have a head stone as do I desperately , unfortunately the woman who has the deeds won’t speak to me my sons have asked my sister has asked but she won’t give the deeds and she won’t get a head stone. Is there any thing i or my sons can do to get a head stone on our angels grave please help.

  90. @Rights for the Dead. Does this cause any actual harm? We assume her name is on her own headstone too? We don’t know of any way you can prevent this either.

  91. My Dad left my Mum for a dispicable woman who was only interested in gaining a passport and his money. WDad bought a house with his divorce money and married this woman. Very soon after his diabetes which had been managed for years by my mum became out of control and started a 5 year nightmare of long stay hospital stays and Dad losing both legs and subsequently dying 2 years ago. Since then I have been unable to get in touch with this woman so that we can arrange a headstone. Is there anything we can do to properly honour our dad?

  92. @Rags0408. If you know the cemetery then you’ll be able to find out who the deed owner is. If your father was not married to the woman, it may be that the deeds will pass to you (as next of kin), which will enable you to erect a headstone.

  93. I have checked and Dad’s wife is the deed holder. The plot is also for 2 people. This is grim news as it seems that she may want to be bjried there as well.

  94. @Rags0408. Indeed. It also means she has the say over what goes on the grave in terms of any memorials or headstones. A court order may be your only real option of getting what you want in this instance, but you should liaise with the cemetery owners/or local council if it’s a municipal cemetery to see if there’s anything they can do.

  95. Can i add a name to a friends headstone? Her family have not done so. Could i be prosecuted or face any trouble with the police if i do so? Will someone please tell me?

  96. My father died when I was a child. His sister (my aunt) did all funeral arrangements.I want to put a head stone on my father’s grave now that I saved up for it.The cemetery says they won’t t put the head stone up because there is still money owed! I don’t have money to cover the remaining balance and my aunt is no longer living. Can they really legally ) refuse to put a head stone up? What can I do?

  97. @Jon. No only the holder of the grave deeds can make any changes to the headstone, or erect a headstone/memorial.

  98. My friend has adopted her 3 grandsons. There mother died 2 yrs ago and her mother held fundraisers for burial, headstone,and supposedly the boys. My friend has never been given any of these funds as of yet to help raise these boys. The oldest son always asks on visits to cemetery why his mum has no headstone yet. Our question is, can they put a headstone on her gravesite? Is her oldest son next of kin or is her mother. The plot was donated but don’t know who is on deed.

  99. @Joe. Firstly make sure you own the title deeds and secondly, you could offer to pay off the debt owed in instalments.

  100. I need some help, my father passed away nearly 2 years ago, as I was in no fit state to do anything my sister came to the area and took over the arrangements as to which I was glad at this horrific time, we were never close and she hardly ever saw my father, now she holds the deeds to the plot and I have no say in putting up a headstone which he still does not have, my sister and I have not spoken since the funeral, but it is totally breaking my heart that my dad does not have a headstone, he truly deserved that, my sister has broken all contact with the family in this area, I walk past the cemetery every day only to see no headstone at dad’s grave it looks minimal . Apart from legal action which I cannot afford how on earth can I get a headstone for my wonderful dad.

  101. Help my daughter passed away 16 montgs ago and her ashes are in my house me and her dad split weeks ago and he wants the ashes split which i think is disgusting or in a grave can he do anythin the deeds are in my name so they belong to me i need help please

  102. @Tee. The person who organised the fundraising is the one to approach regarding this. If the burial has already taken place you need to find out who holds the title deeds. If this was already purchased before the boys’ mother died and is in her name, it should pass to one or all of them as they are next of kin.

  103. @michelle. There’s not a great deal you can do without legal action. Do you have other family members or friends who could ask your sister to take the necessary steps?

  104. @kimmyh. There’s nothing specific that prevents splitting ashes between family members.

  105. My sisters daughter passed away 26yrs ago at the age of 2. All through the years she never put a headstone with any name on it only a load of cuddly toys which are now old an rotten . My father alway said he would buried with her , which is what happened over 15 yrs ago . All though the following years my sis and mum had conversations about putting a headstone up , which they agred to do but never happened , but was continually upsetting my mother . My mother died 8yrs ago and things have got a bit award between our sister who we haven’t really talked to over the last 6yrs . She gets a fling where she says to us via her daughter that we are band from the grave not allowed to put flowers on etc . Which we ignore most of the time , she never tends the grave it looks like a paupers abound and grave cross rotten etc . We have approache her many a time even before our mum died to share cost on a headstone , and she can choose and decide wording etc , but she is like a child and won’t agree . On occasions contacting U.S. forbidding us go to grave . It has all come to a head today , when my other sis has had her husband to make a cross to replace the one that has fallen off and rotted , in replica of the one that’s there , she sent a message to our sister , to ask permission to place it there , was met with a reply , one has already been ordered it going up today . We have been to check and someone has put a badly handmade cross on there it look horrible . Sorry rant over . Is there anyway we can challenge the right to put some kind of stone there , for the benefit of all concerned even the cemetery .

  106. My dad passed away 25 years ago and a headstone was ordered by a ex wife even though my mom planned funeral and now my mom has passed and I wanna replace headstone but mouratury has lost all files about my dad’s services what can I do?

  107. My little sister owns the deed to our dads grave ,and unfortunately she’s refusing for any of the 4 siblings to put on a headstone .although she cannot afford himself I am the oldest daughter and I need to know if there’s anyway I can fight for the deed

  108. My Grandfather passed 20 years ago and was buried with my grandmother, but in all that time the headstone has never been altered to show he is buried there with her and I’ve no idea who dealt with the funeral as I was in my teens at the time. My question is, how do I get the headstone engraved with his details, as to be honest, I remember him fondly and find it disrespectful that he’s been laying in an unmarked grave (for him) all this time and nothing’s been done about it? Or otherwise, could I just get a plaque made up and place on his grave?

  109. My family purchased a 5 person burial plot in 1962 and a family member was buried in that plot. At the time the council run cemetery said the erection of a headstone could not include curb edging stones around the full width and length of the grave. The grave has been tended at least weekly since 1962. 3 other family members have since been buried in the plot. We have now been informed that no longer can 5 persons be buried as previously agreed when the plot was purchased, and the plot has now been “closed” quoting the cemetery staff. Although they will allow 5 creations. We are very sad. In 2014 a new headstone was purchased. We were informed we were misinformed in 1962 and should have been allowed to have a headstone with curb edging stones the full length of the plot size after all. But new regulations for new graves means that is no longer possible. But ours is not a new plot? To make matters worse the council has sold the plot next to the grave and buried somebody else so that there headstone will infringe some of the space on our plot. I’ve been told we can only mark out the space 18″ from the headstone. What are my rights? Why can’t we have curbing stones as we were misinformed at the time of our chasing the plot lease? The council are being really awkward and tell me I don’t have any. Please help.

  110. @mnw. Contact the cemetary owners (usually the council unless it’s an old church yard in which case it’s the parish) and ask them who the holder of the grave deeds were/are. If that person is still alive, ask them to arrange the engraving. If the person is deceased you will need to find the next of kin…it may be that is you, so you can then go ahead get the work done in accordance with the cemetary rules.

  111. After my sister refused to pay for a headstone from my mother money ,I waited 2 years and was told by cemetery that if I got there document signed by a solicitor that I could take ownership of the grave.which I did now I am having the headstone made out my sister name on it .her son is going to a solicitor to dispute it .she has the will and deeds to the grave,I have been given permission by the permission cemetery to erect the headstone

  112. My grandad passed 7 years ago and my aunties has the deed to have a headstone put on but no one will pay for one and now we don’t get on I me and my mother can’t put one on his grave is there a way I can get the deed or any other way I can put a stone on?

  113. @Dean. We don’t really have enough information to comment on this. You should contact a councillor or your MP to see if they can shed any light on this for you.

  114. @Paddy. If you had permission from the original deed holder and this is accepted by the cemetery, then there should not be a problem. However if there is a dispute with another relative, you may need to seek professional legal advice.

  115. Thanks for the great information on the right to place a headstone. headstone can say a lot about an individual and his life and is a great way of memorializing that person. I hope it works out and you are able to do that for your mother!

  116. My young brother died on feb22 2015. We don’t talk to his wife so how can I find out if there’s been a headstone bought as it’s been 4 months and none up yet. Plz help me. I’m struggling with his death as it is. Please.

  117. Hello my sister angerla died in 1969 was buried on top of her papa who died and was buried the year before my parents were then fairly young and couldn’t afford a plaque only just resent I got a plaque made for angela and had it put on the grave but my aunt who says she is the deed holder and doesn’t want it had it removed from the plot my grannie was alive until 1990 and was buried in the same plot on top of Angela grannie back in 1969 gave permission for angela to be buried can anyone stop Angela having a memorial plaque it’s within council guidelines thanks…

  118. @none. The only way to find out is to speak to your sister in law really. You might also be able to get some information about whether permission has been applied for, from the relevant cemetery office.

  119. We are having issues with placing an inscription on our mothers headstone, Some of her own children have actually put a stop to mom’s inscription going ahead because they don’t want the word AND they want ALSO .(mom is the second person buried in the plot). ALSO seems very much secondary…. an afterthought. AND to us means equal to the person already laid to rest in that plot. MAN and WIFE, it is not MAN also WIFE I have been mom’s next of kin for many years, reported her death, arranged the funeral, applied for an additional inscription, some of the other siblings have done all they can so far make thins very difficult. I have applied to own the deeds but it has to be agreed by all mom’s children’s needless to say some refused. We have tried everything to give my what she requested but have met many stumbling blocks. Please advise if there is anything we can do

  120. Mom died a few months ago she is buried with dad. She was the deed holder of the grave but never left a will we have been informed that the person who signed for the grave to be opened last becomes the deed holder could you please tell me if this is correct

  121. My father died 18 months ago and my mum died just over a year ago.thy were divorced.i am there next of kin and made all the funeral arrangments for both.thy were both cremated and put in the same grave together.thy are buried in a church yard.neither left a will.i have 3 brothers.who is responsible for putting a memorial stone on there grave.and how do i go about it thanks vina

  122. I am worried that certain members of my family will try and prevent my mother being buried with my father. The plot is a double plot but I do not have the deeds for the grave . I don’t want to worry my mother with my fears but also do not want her wishes to be ignored. What steps can I take to put my mind at ease

  123. @Jon. Usually the deedholder is the only one who can erect any kind of memorial. You could speak with the cemetery office to see if anything can be done in view of your grandmother’s wishes but trying to negotiate with the holder of the deeds may be the best option.

  124. My mum was buried recently beside my dad who died 50yrs ago and 2 children they lost 65 and 70yrs ago . I applied to get a headstone up as the grave was unmarked all those years and lo and behold foundation has been put at mums feet . I questioned this and they said this is the head of the grave but it is NOT where my mums head is so they have put her in wrong way . This is very distressing as the are adament her head cant be tnere but we know it is help me please what do I do

  125. my late father was the owner of my mothers grave but now that my father has died my sister wants to take over my mothers grave and have full responsibility and full ownership for it and has asked me to sign over the grave to her.if I do not sign over my mothers grave to my sisterwho will be responsible for my mothers grave now that my father has died ?and if any of my other siblings or family members was to die and was to be cremated and either them or my other family members wanted their ashes put into my mothers grave would they or any of my other family members have to ask me for permission to use the grave for any family members ashes to be put in my mothers gravecould you please tell me what rights and say do I have on what happens to this grave.

  126. My sister in law passed away in january my other sister-in-law is the executor for her, just wondering if we are allowed to purchase a bench in her memory from her estate money,

  127. @lea. As the deed holder of the grave you are the only one has the power to do anything relating to it. You can apply to have it transferred into someone else’s name if you want to.

  128. My siserinlaw husband died march 2015 his family offered to pay funeral getting head stone for grave realized his sister is owner of plot which is for his wife and kids but she wont give her deeds my sisterinlaw is in bits cos she doesnt understand why. she even offered to pay her the money she paidfor it

  129. I purchased a plot for my dad and paid for his services. I then purchased the plot next to my father for my mom. With this contract my mother was never on contract and neither were any of my siblings I purchased a marker designed the marker and also included my mother with that decision. However, the cemetary allowed my mother and siblings who did not pay or own plots to select another marker. Cemetary says they can, but legally I say they can’t. How can I find out?

  130. My mother passed away 28years and my father met another woman they were with each other for24years he never married her my father passed away this year and myself and sister went to visit his grave,we got a shock his partner had got inscribe on the head stone ,under our Mam ,dad name,and his devoted partner with her name on it ,can we get that removed,we were not consulate about it

  131. @honey – Your question:
    My mother passed away 28years and my father met another woman they were with each other for24years he never married her my father passed away this year and myself and sister went to visit his grave,we got a shock his partner had got inscribe on the head stone ,under our Mam ,dad name,and his devoted partner with her name on it ,can we get that removed,we were not consulate about it

    Our response:
    No, it’s unlikely that this would be possible, his partner must have had your father’s permission to do this as he has clearly passed ownership of the grave deeds to her to enable this to happen. (Unless otherwise stated, the grave deeds usually go to the next of kin). It’s not unusual for people to find new partners when they are widowed and after 24 years, it’s quite reasonable to expect to be mentioned.

  132. Is there any help with paying for a headstone available? my son recently died and we had him buried with my partners dad the cost of moving his head stone and then to put it back in its place is more than my sons funeral cost altogether let alone having something put on for my son, it’s 4.50 a letter so minimum 180+VAT

  133. My father passed away last year & left my step sister executor of the will(as she is older) to my horror she has put my fathers grave in her mothers name. My dads ex wife of many years. Is there anything that I can do about this? Also about the headstone which is going to read loving husband on it? Am finding it very difficult to except that this would be allowed to happen when he has been devorced for over 15years. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated.

  134. Trish – Your Question:

    My father passed away last year & left my step sister executive of the will(as she is older) to my horror she has put my fathers grave in her mothers name. My dads ex wife of many years. Is there anything that I can do about this? Also about the headstone which is going to read loving husband on it? Am finding it very difficult to except that this would be allowed to happen when he has been devorced for over 15years. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated.


    Our Response:

    If your step-sister is now the owner of the grave deeds then she can choose to do what she wants. To challenge this you may have to seek legal advice and pursue it via the courts.

  135. my mum passed away and myself my brother and 2 sisters signed for mums grave makeing the four of us owners then two weeks after the funeral a will came to light i collected the will from mums legal team and it said i was executer to the will i was aslo levt everything so of i went to the bank with the will only to be told my sister had been there and taken all the money..my next step was to put a stone on mums grave at no cost to my family i would be paying however when i went to order it i was told i could not as we all had to sign,,,i ask my family to sign but no one would,mum is is a grave with no stone …i went to the council and told them i was executer to the will they will do nothing about it as they said the same we all own the grave my answer was i did no know i was executer to the will untill 2 weeks after mum was buired so how could i have acted as executer when i did no know,,,can anyone help i just want to put a stone on my mums grave

  136. jamie – Your Question:

    My mum passed away and myself my brother and 2 sisters signed for mums grave makeing the four of us owners then two weeks after the funeral a will came to light I collected the will from mums legal team and it said I was executer to the will I was aslo levt everything so of I went to the bank with the will only to be told my sister had been there and taken all the money.my next step was to put a stone on mums grave at no cost to my family I would be paying however when I went to order it I was told I could not as we all had to sign,,,i ask my family to sign but no one would,mum is is a grave with no stone.i went to the council and told them I was executer to the will they will do nothing about it as they said the same we all own the grave my answer was I did no know I was executer to the will untill 2 weeks after mum was buired so how could I have acted as executer when I did no know,,,can anyone help I just want to put a stone on my mums grave


    Our Response:

    The fact that you are an executor has no effect on the names on the grave deeds. In general any headstones/memorials can only be provided with the permission of the deed holders. So you’ll have to to try and negotiate with your siblings to agree on a headstone.

  137. My father passed away wen i was three months old, and i have been searching everywhere for his original headstone but am not having any luck what should i do or who should i gwt ahold of?

  138. I invested money on my Moms double marker where she and my step dad were to be burried. He also did invest money but his new spouse had his name covered over. She did confirm she did it saying if we did not like it replace it or move her as he was her husband and never be burried with her. I am filing small claims for the money I previously invested to replace the desecrated one. Tell me your thoughts please.put

  139. My father died back in 2008 as I was young I clearly didn’t understand and I never attended his funeral. He has children from a previous marriage who know where he is buried, however they are refusing to tell me. I really want to know where my father is buried, what can I do?

  140. My auntie died almost 5 years ago now leaving her husband and 3 children…her husband has the deeds to her grave…He met someone only weeks after she passed and still with her…she still has no head stone…We’ve asked for them or to even give us permission to get her a stone for her grave as still has nothing…He won’t give them us or give permission…is there anything we can do to be able to get her a headstone as it’s the least she deserved thankyou

  141. Chlo – Your Question:

    My father died back in 2008 as I was young I clearly didn’t understand and I never attended his funeral. He has children from a previous marriage who know where he is buried, however they are refusing to tell me. I really want to know where my father is buried, what can I do?


    Our Response:

    Cemeteries and Crematoria keep records of all burials and cremations so if you know the are he lived in at the time, you could search those records. If you do not the area where he died you can search death records online by name/date of birth etc to find out.

  142. becks – Your Question:

    My auntie died almost 5 years ago now leaving her husband and 3 children.her husband has the deeds to her grave.He met someone only weeks after she passed and still with her.she still has no head stone.We’ve asked for them or to even give us permission to get her a stone for her grave as still has nothing.He won’t give them us or give permission.is there anything we can do to be able to get her a headstone as it’s the least she deserved thankyou


    Our Response:

    Contact the cemetery in question to check but we imagine a court order might be the only way to do this.

  143. i lost a baby at 9 weeks old due to cot death. i when to his grave today and he had a headstone put with out my permisson. can his farther get this done with out letting me know.

  144. I have a question. My father died around 30 years ago my granny not long after. Two burial plots were bought together by my mother. She gave the money to an uncle to pay the council. He put the plots in his name (unbeknownst to her) He has just died and has been interred in my fathers grave the plan was for him to go into my granny’s grave and my mum with my dad. His family have now decided they want to remove two headstones (which were also paid for by my mother) removed and one large headstone in its place. We have deeds to my fathers plot but they were in my uncles name. Do we have any legal recourse?? Can we stop them from removing the headstones??? Can we get ownership of the graves now he has died?

  145. My nana was buried with her husband’s past wife and he won’t allow her/my family to put her name on the grave is there any rights so that she deserves to get some acknowledgement of her existence in this world it just doesn’t seem fair that when your gone you can’t have some form of acknowledgement of where you rest or can you exhume a body and rebury them in a place that the people you loved can visit and have peace that there truly at rest weather there spouse is still alive or if they passaway does that change anything

  146. Hilly – Your Question:

    My nana was buried with her husband’s past wife and he won’t allow her/my family to put her name on the grave is there any rights so that she deserves to get some acknowledgement of her existence in this world it just doesn’t seem fair that when your gone you can’t have some form of acknowledgement of where you rest or can you exhume a body and rebury them in a place that the people you loved can visit and have peace that there truly at rest weather there spouse is still alive or if they passaway does that change anything


    Our Response:

    Only the holder of the grave deeds can give consent to memorials/headstones etc. Try contacting the cemetery office and see whether there are any other options available. Other than that, legal action may be your only recourse.

  147. I my grandad died last year and his grave is beautifull but tje grave next to him has clearly been forgotten about and its sad when we go to see my grandad the state of this grave surley the council should be clearing the grave up it is smashed to pieces and its not nice to look at the poor man resting there 🙁 also was wondering if it costs you money to have a grave straightened up my great nanas grave is slightly leaning over due to the ground mooving and its age would the person in charge of this have to pay for it is there no help at all for things like this it just seems like a money making game its all so expensive any help will be much appreciated

  148. sammy – Your Question:

    I my grandad died last year and his grave is beautifull but tje grave next to him has clearly been forgotten about and its sad when we go to see my grandad the state of this grave surley the council should be clearing the grave up it is smashed to pieces and its not nice to look at the poor man resting there 🙁 also was wondering if it costs you money to have a grave straightened up my great nanas grave is slightly leaning over due to the ground mooving and its age would the person in charge of this have to pay for it is there no help at all for things like this it just seems like a money making game its all so expensive any help will be much appreciated


    Our Response:

    Most councils do make efforts to keep cemeteries neat and tidy by mowing etc. Contact the cemetery office to see what their policy is. If it’s a churchyard attached to a church, it may be that the local parish can help.

  149. My ex partner wants to extract our sons headstone and take it with her overseas can she do this. The headstone is based ina local churchyard. Surely she cannot dothis my son is layed to rest and this would be awful.

  150. colinjack – Your Question:

    My ex partner wants to extract our sons headstone and take it with her overseas can she do this. The headstone is based ina local churchyard. Surely she cannot dothis my son is layed to rest and this would be awful.


    Our Response:

    Who is the hold of the grave deeds? Generally they can make any decisions relating to headstones. The churchyard adminstrators will be able to tell you if stones can be removed.

  151. My ex brother in law, had my 2 children’s father put their dad’s name on one side and my 13 year old daughter’s name on the other side. she is handicapped and does not understand what that means. She thought she will die soon too. My 16 year old was left out of the whole picture. Can I legally force my ex’s brother to remove my child’s name? Thank you

  152. My husband died 12 months ago I have a little girl with him when he passed his parents wanted him to be buried with his brother they told me the grave was for 3 n I could go in with him when I pass and also choode the headstone now they have told me it is a plot for 2 and won’t let me have anything to do with the headstone I don’t own the deeds my husbands mother does but I’m desperate to have a say or have him moved as I never imagined this would happen he is buried an hour from were we lived and I struggle to do the journey sure to I’ll health can you please give me some advice

  153. I am currently seeking legal advice in regards to a headstone.I am 28 years old and grew up with a younger brother who is now 22 years old. we shared the same mother and grew up under her roof for some time with his dad who was my stepfather. he was a drunk and a pedophile and I was abused for almost 6 years. he destroyed our family and discard me severely. My brother found out in his mid teens and by that time his father had already disappeared on him coming and going as he pleased. he got lucky and he never saw jail time or prison time and pretty much got away with it. But my brother does not call him his father and is disgusted by him and that he comes from him. His father died in 2012 from diabetes and not taking care of himself and probably drinking. his family contacted my brother who declined to going to the funeral and told them if they wanted to give him any of his stuff just to burn it and he has never been to his grave site and that was 3 years ago. I finally went when I was visiting another grave and found him was completely appalled and disgusted.I could live with the fact that they gave him a very elaborate headstone that was beautiful and specially made for him because I’m trying to move past that my life but the headstone contained a place for a picture in my brothers face was in that picture on that tombstone. they did not ask for his permission in putting his picture on this pedophiles tombstone. I mean that’s his face? does he have any rights? my brother wants nothing to do with this man and hasn’t since he found out that he was a pedophile among other things and he hasn’t had anything to do with them for years and his father along with the rest of family on that side that buried him went against his wishes and put his face on this man’s tombstone. I’ve contacted the family and let them know that we would like the picture of my brother removed but I doubt it’s going to be that easy. is there anything I can do legally?

  154. Hi, My father passed away two years ago & still no stone on his grave. I don’t like my step mum & needing advice about putting up a stone? I’m the eldest in the family & I have two brothers & a sister from my dads first wife who has also passed away. I would appreciate any help from u Thanks, John

  155. My ex-husband passed away without a penny to his name and was estranged from his present wife, who deserted him when he had to be hospitalized after 3 strokes. I helped my son out and paid for his father’s funeral and burial. Even my ex’s sister didn’t help, as she and her husband had been supporting my ex for almost a year. Now, it is over a year that my son waited to collect his father’s last social security check, which he was told he would receive from Social Security. It seems though that they gave him a runaround and the estranged wife, who he was separated from(not legally, but she signed a paper stating so) for close to a year. My son had counted on that money to pay for the footstone at the gravesite. It is in a family plot. The estranged wife told my sister in-law that she would pay for the stone if she could make the check out to the monument man, so we had him send her the invoice. She is now refusing to do follow through, which is her m.o. anyway. She called the monument man and said she could get it for $1350.00 cheaper, which we know she can’t as the foundation alone has a set price from the cemetery of $595.00, before the footstone. In addition, the only people who can sign the permission at the cemetery is my son, my sister in-law, brother in-law or my nieces. Does my son have any recourse to force her to at least pay the 1500 towards it, as she originally said she would?

  156. I forgot one thing. The estranged wife went after the s.s. check and got it this past July, while s.s. was still giving my son the runaround. Most importantly, the estranged wife did not even know how ill he was or that he had passed away, until a week after his death. She has never been to the cemetery and did not know where the plot was, nor did she ever ask, until she received the invoice from the monument man. She also asked that she be “invited” to the unveiling of the stone. I told my son to do what he wanted to as far as her “invitation” for the grief she imposed upon both my ex-husband(she was verbally abusive) and my son.

  157. Upset mom – Your Question:

    My ex-husband passed away without a penny to his name and was estranged from his present wife, who deserted him when he had to be hospitalized after 3 strokes. I helped my son out and paid for his father’s funeral and burial. Even my ex’s sister didn’t help, as she and her husband had been supporting my ex for almost a year. Now, it is over a year that my son waited to collect his father’s last social security check, which he was told he would receive from Social Security. It seems though that they gave him a runaround and the estranged wife, who he was separated from(not legally, but she signed a paper stating so) for close to a year. My son had counted on that money to pay for the footstone at the gravesite. It is in a family plot. The estranged wife told my sister in-law that she would pay for the stone if she could make the check out to the monument man, so we had him send her the invoice. She is now refusing to do follow through, which is her m.o. anyway. She called the monument man and said she could get it for $1350.00 cheaper, which we know she can’t as the foundation alone has a set price from the cemetery of $595.00, before the footstone. In addition, the only people who can sign the permission at the cemetery is my son, my sister in-law, brother in-law or my nieces. Does my son have any recourse to force her to at least pay the 1500 towards it, as she originally said she would?


    Our Response:

    Unfortuately we only deal with UK issues here and it sounds as though you are not UK based. In the UK, only one person (the grave deed holder) can arrange for a headstone/memorial to be erected.

  158. Hi my name is mandy, my brother was murdered in Iraq 21.08.2014, he was a royal marine from leaving school at 16yrs old, he then went on to do security protection work for 12yrs up until he was murdered, I need to address this to people as children are out next of kin which if under 18yrs the ex wife has took all claim of his body and burie him, his ex wife of 9yrs holds the deeds to my brothers grave and over a year on he is still lying in a unmarked grave which my mother and father want to place a headstone on and pay, we have rang the Sunderland council and there is nothing there can do as we don’t hold the deeds, this is disgusting that myself been a mother, what my parents have gone through is heel to loose there only son then to be denied him with a headstone is disgusting, we place flowers and items on his grave and she puts them in the bin, the only step now is for us to seek court action, this law needs changing it’s heartbreaking, can anyone advice us before we spend lots of money on court costs please, thanks Mandy x

  159. I would like to place a small plaque on an unmarked grave in a cemetery in Bournemouth. The deceased died in 1935. She was accused of murder but was found not guilty. Soon afterwards she took her own life. She had no close relatives in England at the time and owing to the publicity and attention made by the media at the time she was buried in an unmarked grave. It later came out that she was innocent and was even a hero during WW1. More than 80 years have passed by and I feel she deserves a plaque at the very least. (can’t afford a headstone). I have ordered her death certificate hoping it will tell me who owns the deeds to her grave, but if she died in 1935 and was buried in unusual circumstances, would the deed holder be impossible to contact today? Would it have expired by now?

  160. Hello may I please have clarification my adopted siblings have refused to include my husbands name on my deceased mums plaque . I have been informed by an executor of her estate that my adopted brother is custodian of her place in the cemetery . I have tried to negotiate to have David’s name included but have had refusals what can I do to have this changed or can I check to see if custodial rights can be challenged ? Thanks

  161. Robbie – Your Question:

    Hello may I please have clarification my adopted siblings have refused to include my husbands name on my deceased mums plaque. I have been informed by an executor of her estate that my adopted brother is custodian of her place in the cemetery. I have tried to negotiate to have David’s name included but have had refusals what can I do to have this changed or can I check to see if custodial rights can be challenged ? Thanks


    Our Response:

    If the holder of the grave title will not agree, your only real resort (if he will not listen to reason), is to seek legal action.

  162. Hi I’m just wondering if you could help me my nan had a daughter many years ago that sadly passed away as a baby she had been buried with her dads mum an the her dad’s dad had died so he had got buried in the same plot my Nanna has tried to get a headstone put on for her daughter also including her grandparents names an was refused by a family member many years ago now we have no way of getting hold of any family an don’t even know if some of them are alive what rights does my nan have?

  163. Hello, my mother passed away recently. My sister took it upon her self to purchase a headstone for my mother with any input from my brother or I. We are not very happy about this because whether we like the headstone or not, we have to look at it for the rest of our lives. Any laws regarding this.

  164. I have recently acquired a grave from an ancestor (legally) and there is a photo on the flower vase that I do not like, since it is my grave can I legally remove the flower vase?

  165. I have a question. My grandmother passed away 18 years ago and my father is her only son her husband that she married after she divorced my real grandfather is dead and I want to change her gravestone as they put on it loving mother of his kids and my dad yet his kids were never hers by blood and I want a new gravestone placed without there names and only his on it for genealogy purposes and other personal reasons. So since I am her real grandson and her husband is dead can I change it, my dad is still alive but I’d like to fix this for him. Should I talk to a lawyer.

  166. Hi ,could you please try shed a bit of light on a something please. My mum lost her mum when she was only 8years old back in 1967.we knew that she was cremated and had a plaque at the cemetery as mum remembers going with family to visit it. However a couple of years back we went up and the plaque has been removed is there a way of finding out were it will have gone or do they get destroyed .my mum also lost her dad in 1978 so there was no letters or correspond what so ever between the cemetery And my mum Thanks

  167. Jo – Your Question:

    Hi ,could you please try shed a bit of light on a something please.My mum lost her mum when she was only 8years old back in 1967.we knew that she was cremated and had a plaque at the cemetery as mum remembers going with family to visit it.However a couple of years back we went up and the plaque has been removed is there a way of finding out were it will have gone or do they get destroyed.my mum also lost her dad in 1978 so there was no letters or correspond what so ever between the cemetery And my mumThanks


    Our Response:

    The crematorium and cemetery should both have records of all the graves/cremation memorial plaques, so give them a call or write a letter with the details of your grandmother’s name, date of birth, approximate date of death etc.

  168. Hi my half sister came forward and offered to pay for my dads funeral, however she has not paid yet and I own the grave as my mum is also in some plot.can I place headstone without her permission.

  169. Dannyboy – Your Question:

    Hi my half sister came forward and offered to pay for my dads funeral, however she has not paid yet and I own the grave as my mum is also in some plot.can I place headstone without her permission.


    Our Response:

    If you own the grave deeds, you can choose to erect a headstone and do not need anyone else’s permission.

  170. Hi.my husband died in november and wanted to be cremated.i currently have his ashes at home with me but his wish was to be with his mother who is buried at our local cemetary.i do no that i can get his ashes buried at a cost but my concern is can i put a memorial stone on the grave if their is an exsisting head stone? I dont want to start having to ask my brothers in law and sisters in law to have his name added to their mothers headstone as i believe that he deserves his own memorial.as do his 9 children.i dont want a little plant pot.just a paving slab size i would be happy with.please help someone as i cant mourn properly yet as i need a base to visit.

  171. My cousin passed away in 2012. The day I enlisted into the Military and my family waitied till I graduated boot camp to tell me. My cousin’s wife signed over the rights to his tombstone to his mother (my aunt.) Just to clearify, my cousin that passed away is my father’s cousin’s son.. non the less he is still my family. Between my 2 sisters, my brother, and my parents together gave my aunt about $1000 to help out with the tombstone. Again I was away so I could not help out with the cost. My father’s siblings helped out as well. It is now 2016 and my cousin still does not have a tombstone. Please tell me what I can do? If there is no tombstone then where is the money? My family and I want answers. I want to know if it is possible that I can sue her for the rights to his stombstone? Or how I can make a request to get the rights turned over to me or my family? I very much need advice. Thank you.

  172. My 17 yr old son passed away 2 years ago and his father and I shared his ashes. His father has left the grave now for 2 years now with out a permanent marker. What can I do about this

  173. Unfortunately my dads girlfriend owns the deeds to my dads plot. She has told lies on the gravestone pretending that they were married and saying that my dad was stepfather to her children. What can I do about this?

  174. cjb – Your Question:

    Unfortunately my dads girlfriend owns the deeds to my dads plot. She has told lies on the gravestone pretending that they were married and saying that my dad was stepfather to her children. What can I do about this?


    Our Response:

    The person who owns the deeds can erect a headstone and have it inscribed with anything that wish (within the cemetery guidelines). If however, you feel there has been something libellous written on the headstone you might want to seek professional legal advice.

  175. Can we stop my brother’s ashes being scattered on my mother’s grave I don’t know anything about the deeds as I was young when i lost my MUM

  176. My mother passed away and a few days later a great great grandchild was born the family concerned want great great grandmother on headstone but my mother wasn’t when she died what should I do

  177. My mum passed away when I was eight years old my nan has the deeds to my mums grave she has never been up to sort the grave out and now I’m 23 she still doesn’t have a head stone only me and my siblings go up and put touches to it as things have been taken of as my stepgrandad goes up once in a blue moon I want to put a stone on and I want to take my nan to court to fight for my mums grave her deeds so me and my sibling feel that we can do w.e we want to her grave and give her a stone but we cant atm as it can be taken of as I don’t own it has anyone got any advice thank you..

  178. Hi, my father had a pauper burial and he shares a plaque with two other individuals, so i was wondering if I could purchase a headstone for him with those type of burials

  179. My mother passed away in December 2015, she was the deed owner for the burial site. I have just spoke to the cemetery and they informed before the headstone can be erected the deeds need to be signed over to a living relative at a charge of £37, do I need to pay this or is this a charge they have added on?

  180. Hi i am very upset and need someones help please, long story short i live in NY and my brother passed away, he had a will and i was named executor of his estate, he did not outline burial areaingments but i am the name on the deed but the cemetery will not let me put a head stone on his grave until i get every family members concent to do so!! This has been the most ridiculous thing i have ever been through! They have stalled me for two years now and it seems every week its another reason not to let me do it! No one is fighting me doin so but the cemetery says they dont want to be suid! What!?!? Suid for what?! And why!? Please help, they now want ME to contact every family member and get notorized concent! Its just not gonna happen and i cant wait any longer!! Its not right please help!!

  181. mar – Your Question:

    Hi I am very upset and need someones help please, long story short I live in NY and my brother passed away, he had a will and I was named executor of his estate, he did not outline burial areaingments but I am the name on the deed but the cemetery will not let me put a head stone on his grave until I get every family members concent to do so!! This has been the most ridiculous thing I have ever been through! They have stalled me for two years now and it seems every week its another reason not to let me do it! No one is fighting me doin so but the cemetery says they dont want to be suid! What!?!? Suid for what?! And why!? Please help, they now want ME to contact every family member and get notorized concent! Its just not gonna happen and I cant wait any longer!! Its not right please help!!


    Our Response:

    Sorry but we are a UK based website and here in the UK, the person whose name is on the grave deeds is the one who can make the decision regarding headstones etc

  182. My niece died June 2013 after a two year battle with cancer. She left behind a husband, daughter of 5 and her son of 2 years. Her widower asked my sister and brother in law for a contribution towards the graveheadstone. His parents also paid £600 towards it. The wording on the headstone was agreed between all parties although there is no surround as was the original design agreed to by my sister. My niece’s widower has now become very abusive towards my sister, has stopped us from seeing the children (for the first 18 months after Louisa died the children spent almost every weekend with us). He is now demanding we pay his parents back the £600 they paid for the grave, or we can’t see the children again. We have rung his parents who have said they don’t want the money, but if we are offering they would take the money, but they won’t help or support us and have now also become abusive towards us. The widower got insurance money. We are being blackmailed. Can you advise if there’s anything we can do

  183. My mum past away and all our family falling out over head stone one of my sister wants my mums last name on but because my mum got married got to have that name on to but we don’t want a pedo pervs name on and the man at shop said before my sister is next to kin she as her right but I ask for my money back head stone not been done yet and saying can not have my money back what can I do plz

  184. After 9yrs I have finally got myself together to be able to face getting my mother and sister headstones for there graves,on submitting planning permission only to find that the application had already been processed by disgruntled neice,

  185. Please God help me. Its going on 3 years and no marker yet I’m disabled and live on $733 a month Please i need help I’m lost,sad, and discouraged My life has stopped with my lupus fibromalgia and rheumatoid arthritis just to name a few.illnesses. i have q 12 year old

  186. My father was cremated a number of years ago . My mum has recently passed away and buried. Can I include my dads name on gravestone? And if so any ideas as to how this is acknowledged. Thank you

  187. Jacqui – Your Question:

    My father was cremated a number of years ago. My mum has recently passed away and buried. Can I include my dads name on gravestone? And if so any ideas as to how this is acknowledged. Thank you


    Our Response:

    If you are the owner of the grave deeds you can add any other details you choose. You could say something like “Also in memory of husband and father [His Name] ” etc

  188. Does the name on a headstone have to be the deceased individual’s legal name at time of death?

  189. Mrs. Jones – Your Question:

    Does the name on a headstone have to be the deceased individual’s legal name at time of death?


    Our Response:

    The owner of the deeds can choose to put whatever they like on the deeds unless the cemetery has specific rules about this. It’s quite common for a nickname to be included…for example: In loving memory of Maureen O’Hara (Mo) etc”

  190. Hi there. My cousin died last year and his ex girlfriend holds the deed to his grave. It is now time for a headstone to be made and errected. There have been some falling outs and the ex girlfriend is wanting to erect a headstone but is excluding my cousins eldest daughter from a previous relationship from being involved. This is tearing his eldest daughter apart. I am attempting to act as mediator but if this fails is there anything we can do legally? All his daughter wants to do is help with the cost of the headstone and have a say in the inscription.

  191. My mother and father are both dead and buried ive been estranged from them since i was a young man my brother who had all inheritance has failed to put my fathers name on the head stone my mothers is on it but fathers is not his been there for 7 years now in an unmarked grave. My brother is down as the owner of it and refusing to put his name on it as the eldest child in the family is there anything i can do? I just dont think its right ive offered to pay for it but he refuses and the cemetery says theres nothing i can do!?? Can i take him to court as the oldest son and gain the legal right to add his name on his part of the gates to heaven? My mothers in on the right side the left side is blank?

  192. Is it against the law for a mother to change the child’s last name on the stone if it is her Legal full name? She had her father’s last name but the mother decided to put her last name. Is that against the law? Of so what should I tell my friend to do?

  193. My son passed away and one of his grandparents Decided to get a headstone made without me or his father being present… Even tho we all decided their bowling team will help by paying for it.. They did the whole thing and didn’t show or tell us until it was done.. We didn’t like it so I went and had one made myself and decided not to use theirs….. Can they sue us for that?

  194. Hi, I am desperate for some advice regarding my daughter’s grave. I recently had a stillbirth and my ex partner was allowed by the funeral directors to sign sole ownership of the grave deeds without me being present or consenting to it. He is very abusive and we have since split up and court orders are in place so that he cannot contact me. As her mother, I would like to have joint ownership of her grave but I don’t know how to go about taking the matter to court. I’ve exhausted every other option. I would be so grateful for your advice. Thank you so much.

  195. arelabelle – Your Question:

    Hi, I am desperate for some advice regarding my daughter’s grave. I recently had a stillbirth and my ex partner was allowed by the funeral directors to sign sole ownership of the grave deeds without me being present or consenting to it. He is very abusive and we have since split up and court orders are in place so that he cannot contact me. As her mother, I would like to have joint ownership of her grave but I don’t know how to go about taking the matter to court. I’ve exhausted every other option. I would be so grateful for your advice. Thank you so much.


    Our Response:

    Have you spoken to the cemetery office where your daughter is buried, can they help? A solicitor might be your best option unfortunately.

  196. Please can someone help us ? Our mam has been buried in our fathers grave, but due to a terrible break-down of communication two brothers have submitted forms to have mam’s name added by different stone-masons. The cemetery office has now classed this as a dispute and have requested all siblings sign forms, the horrifying dilemma we face is that one sister who went to Live in Argentina over 40 years ago is unable to locate. We tried many years ago to contact her but to no avail. This dreadful situation is tearing us apart. Please can anyone give us some advice as to how we can get mams name added to the headstone.

  197. Glasgow council pulled down my Mum’s headstone in November, I have been trying to get it reerected since. The mason who erected it originally promised to do the job, but never has can anyone help me,will pay

  198. My husband mother passed away when he was only 14, at the time of burial since he was a minor one of her brothers took owner ship of the deed for her and burial expenses. At the age of 21 he found out that she didn’t or never got a tombstone which was very upsetting to him. Since then he has been trying to get a tombstone on his mother’s grave site. The grave yard she is buried at told him that he needs permission from the deed holder which is his uncle, we have contacted the uncle explaining we only need his signature to do this and that we will cover all expenses for the cost of the tombstone and any other fees for having it laid. Unfortunately the uncle is not willing to do so and says he will only do so after my husband pays him for every thing he paid to have my husbands mother buried. His exact words when approach by a church member from her church because they are willing to assist to help commemorate her was “he’s in the military now and has money so he’s gonna pay me.” We personally feel this isn’t fair, my husband was a minor at the time and that’s the only reason why his name isn’t on any of the paper work in regards to it. Now he just wants to properly put a tombstone on her grave site. What are our options here in this situation, any advice will help.

  199. DJ LUV – Your Question:

    My husband mother passed away when he was only 14, at the time of burial since he was a minor one of her brothers took owner ship of the deed for her and burial expenses. At the age of 21 he found out that she didn’t or never got a tombstone which was very upsetting to him. Since then he has been trying to get a tombstone on his mother’s grave site. The grave yard she is buried at told him that he needs permission from the deed holder which is his uncle, we have contacted the uncle explaining we only need his signature to do this and that we will cover all expenses for the cost of the tombstone and any other fees for having it laid. Unfortunately the uncle is not willing to do so and says he will only do so after my husband pays him for every thing he paid to have my husbands mother buried. His exact words when approach by a church member from her church because they are willing to assist to help commemorate her was “he’s in the military now and has money so he’s gonna pay me.” We personally feel this isn’t fair, my husband was a minor at the time and that’s the only reason why his name isn’t on any of the paper work in regards to it. Now he just wants to properly put a tombstone on her grave site. What are our options here in this situation, any advice will help.


    Our Response:

    Sorry but this is personal dispute…the only things we can advise are to try mediation or to legal action.

  200. Fatty – Your Question:

    Glasgow council pulled down my Mum’s headstone in November, I have been trying to get it reerected since. The mason who erected it originally promised to do the job, but never has can anyone help me,will pay


    Our Response:

    Can you ask at the cemetery office if they can recommend any other stone masons?

  201. My mum died 7 years ago and my step father has the rights we have tried to find him for the past 7years now as we want to put a headstone on her grave I’ve phoned the cemetery and they won’t help what can only do

  202. my son died 14 years ago and his wife has the deeds after all this time he still as no head stone we want to put one up is there any way we could do this i have his death certified but not the deeds

  203. Please, some advice……. My partners dad died 9 years ago, his wife of 7 days, has the deeds to his grave and has not got a head stone. She hasn’t spoken to anyone in his family since his death and his funeral was a very stressful day as her children “his step children” made his own children feel very unwelcome. Taking the grandchildren to see him greatly upsets them as his grave is a mess, we clean it up but it’s not the same for them. By the look of his grave she doesn’t go to see him. We just want a headstone for a man who deserves the respect.

  204. Kelly – Your Question:

    Please, some advice. My partners dad died 9 years ago, his wife of 7 days, has the deeds to his grave and has not got a head stone. She hasn’t spoken to anyone in his family since his death and his funeral was a very stressful day as her children “his step children” made his own children feel very unwelcome. Taking the grandchildren to see him greatly upsets them as his grave is a mess, we clean it up but it’s not the same for them. By the look of his grave she doesn’t go to see him. We just want a headstone for a man who deserves the respect.


    Our Response:

    If you’re not the holder of the deeds, then court action may be the best way to pursue this.

  205. My son age 11 had passed, his uncle on fathers side offered to buy the plot for him, now they are placing a headstone that I don’t approve of because it leaves me out of it? What can I do?

  206. My parents have a double grave we and paid a lot of money to have a headstone and surround put on, unfortunately the company had made a terrible job of this I.e dads wording crooked, headstone very very wobbly , surround not joined and not even put on a base, I have had many problems trying to get the company to sort it all out to no avail, I have taken them to court and won my case at county and high court , however this is still ongoing, what I would like to know is.. Is the parish council at all suppose to check or certify satisfactory work in their parish burial ground or can they ask the company to rectify the Issues as the councillor had already deemed the headstone unsafe.

  207. Spaz – Your Question:

    Can I put my nans name on a plaque on my dads gravestone when she’s not buried on that site


    Our Response:

    You can put details of their relationship e.g John Smith son of Mary Smith.

  208. Hi my nephew passed away almost a year ago and his father and there family just came in and took over the whole thing my nephew wanted nothing to do with his father or any of them on his side . They made all decision and no one had a say. But ly main concern is now they are trying to change his last name on his head stone to his fathers last name can they do that the grass marker says his true birth name but the head stone will be the fathers last name is this legal for them to do and how would I fight it if not

  209. Am – Your Question:

    Hi my nephew passed away almost a year ago and his father and there family just came in and took over the whole thing my nephew wanted nothing to do with his father or any of them on his side. They made all decision and no one had a say. But ly main concern is now they are trying to change his last name on his head stone to his fathers last name can they do that the grass marker says his true birth name but the head stone will be the fathers last name is this legal for them to do and how would I fight it if not


    Our Response:

    Who holds the deeds to the grave? The deed holder is the only person with the power to make any changes to headstone.

  210. Fochey – Your Question:

    Hi, I’m just wondering if my dad can get buried with his nephew?


    Our Response:

    This will depend on who holds the title deeds of your nephew’s grave and whether that person is in agreement.

  211. My sister died a year before i was born my parents could not afford a headstone she is in an unmarked grave shared with others and the council own the plot is there anything i can do like put a cross or something on the grave so family know where it is and the ground keepers dont keep taking the potted plants we put up there as it is distressing my parents, me and other family members?

  212. Sammie85 – Your Question:

    My sister died a year before I was born my parents could not afford a headstone she is in an unmarked grave shared with others and the council own the plot is there anything I can do like put a cross or something on the grave so family know where it is and the ground keepers dont keep taking the potted plants we put up there as it is distressing my parents, me and other family members?


    Our Response:

    Contact the cemetery office and ask them what’s allowed. They may have section for erecting a memorial stone etc.

  213. My daughter died a few years ago when she was only 10 months old. She’s buried in our family’s private graveyard. I never put up a headstone because of the costs and the refusal of my ex (her father) to help. My grandmother has now offered to pay for the headstone. My ex is the reason for her death; he left her unattended in a car seat alone in a house while he was getting high outside and she strangled to death. Sorry the details but it helps you understand my point. Her last name was my ex’s but in additon to that, his refusal to help with the funeral and him not paying child support for my oldest, I would to put my last name instead of his on her headstone. Is this something I can do?

  214. Courtney – Your Question:

    My daughter died a few years ago when she was only 10 months old. She’s buried in our family’s private graveyard. I never put up a headstone because of the costs and the refusal of my ex (her father) to help. My grandmother has now offered to pay for the headstone. My ex is the reason for her death; he left her unattended in a car seat alone in a house while he was getting high outside and she strangled to death. Sorry the details but it helps you understand my point. Her last name was my ex’s but in additon to that, his refusal to help with the funeral and him not paying child support for my oldest, I would to put my last name instead of his on her headstone. Is this something I can do?


    Our Response:

    If you own the deeds to the grave you can put whatever you like on the headstone.

  215. Hi, my brother past over a year ago now. And his partner at the time put his plaque up & did not include the family… can I change this plaque ? Regards Sharon

  216. Sharon – Your Question:

    Hi, my brother past over a year ago now. And his partner at the time put his plaque up & did not include the family. can I change this plaque ?Regards Sharon


    Our Response:

    Do you mean the headstone Sharon?

  217. Hello my baby daughter passed away a few months ago and we wanted to add her name to a headstone belonging to her grandad. If the deed is held by my mother in law and she agrees does her Ashes have to be there or can we keep them at home. Thanks in advance.

  218. Kezs – Your Question:

    Hello my baby daughter passed away a few months ago and we wanted to add her name to a headstone belonging to her grandad. If the deed is held by my mother in law and she agrees does her Ashes have to be there or can we keep them at home. Thanks in advance.


    Our Response:

    No you can keep the ashes wherever you want.

  219. missu – Your Question:

    My mum died in Feb and was scattered in a park can I still have a headstone in the grave yard


    Our Response:

    Some cemeteries have separate areas for memorials of those who’ve been cremated. You should ask at your local council’s cemeteries office.

  220. My husband passed away in February 2016 his cousin set up a go fund me page to help raise money for his headstone. I went and ordered a headstone with his sister and mom there to assist me and we paid the go fund money on the headstone and it still left me with a big balance to pay off and in order to finish the headstone I would have to pay it in full for them to finish the order which it was a special order and they told us it would take several months to finish. I kept in contact with the owner who was taking care of it and explained I was off with medical problems and had to have surgery and wasn’t able to drive at the moment and as soon as possible I would be in to pay it in full. Well my sister in law started calling and texting me about the headstone in may none stop and I told her I had surgery and wasn’t able to drive at the moment and I had it taken care of and they said it would take several months to finish and set it when it was done. She went behind my back and went back to the company and ordered another headstone and they let her use the go fund money I had paid on the other headstone that I ordered and had a headstone made without my permission and had it placed on his grave without me knowing about it until I went to the cemetery to visit him. Is there anything I can do because I’m the owner of 2 plots and that wasn’t the headstone I promised him? Only reason it would take longer for the headstone I ordered was because of the material that was being used it was made over seas and the one she ordered was made here. I’m so upset about it. I don’t think it was right for the company or her to do this and not get a hold of me and make sure it was ok. How did they let her use the money that was already paid on his headstone for another headstone?

  221. Chey77 – Your Question:

    My husband passed away in February 2016 his cousin set up a go fund me page to help raise money for his headstone. I went and ordered a headstone with his sister and mom there to assist me and we paid the go fund money on the headstone and it still left me with a big balance to pay off and in order to finish the headstone I would have to pay it in full for them to finish the order which it was a special order and they told us it would take several months to finish. I kept in contact with the owner who was taking care of it and explained I was off with medical problems and had to have surgery and wasn’t able to drive at the moment and as soon as possible I would be in to pay it in full. Well my sister in law started calling and texting me about the headstone in may none stop and I told her I had surgery and wasn’t able to drive at the moment and I had it taken care of and they said it would take several months to finish and set it when it was done. She went behind my back and went back to the company and ordered another headstone and they let her use the go fund money I had paid on the other headstone that I ordered and had a headstone made without my permission and had it placed on his grave without me knowing about it until I went to the cemetery to visit him. Is there anything I can do because I’m the owner of 2 plots and that wasn’t the headstone I promised him? Only reason it would take longer for the headstone I ordered was because of the material that was being used it was made over seas and the one she ordered was made here. I’m so upset about it. I don’t think it was right for the company or her to do this and not get a hold of me and make sure it was ok. How did they let her use the money that was already paid on his headstone for another headstone?


    Our Response:

    If you are the owner of the grave deeds, noone else can erect a memorial/headstone without your consent. Legally you are entitled get them to remove it.

  222. My parents passed away 2013 i want to do my parents headstone but my name is not on the deed of grant..I don’t know where my sister is but I really want to do their headstone..

  223. My Mother died and my brother made the arrangements before any of us could do anything. He has the grave deeds and they are in his name, however the funeral was paid from the deceased estate, everything was paid by the deceased. He will not let her family put up a headstone and the flowers, planters etc he removes. W Is there anything we can do??

  224. McGregor – Your Question:

    My Mother died and my brother made thearrangements before any of us could do anything. He has the grave deeds and they are in his name, however the funeral was paid from the deceased estate, everythingwas paid by the deceased.He will not let her family put up a headstoneand the flowers, planters etc he removes.WIs there anything we can do??


    Our Response:

    No, there’s not much you can. It’s common practice for the funeral expenses etc to come from the deceased’s estate. The grave holder is the only one who can erect a headstone. He cannot remove flowers from the grave though.

  225. My brother passed away 12 years ago and still has no headstone, he was very popular and church was heaving at the seems on the day of his funeral But… his wife started being off with us and won’t put a headstone on and declared we can’t do anything about it.. she also made it a double plot so she can be buried with him. He has children from previous marriage, parents and siblings and friends all wanting headstone on and have tried to talk to her but nothing! Is there anything we can do, I would do anything just for a simple headstone. And so would everyone else

  226. Sis – Your Question:

    My brother passed away 12 years ago and still has no headstone, he was very popular and church was heaving at the seems on the day of his funeral But. his wife started being off with us and won’t put a headstone on and declared we can’t do anything about it. she also made it a double plot so she can be buried with him.He has children from previous marriage, parents and siblings and friends all wanting headstone on and have tried to talk to her but nothing! Is there anything we can do, I would do anything just for a simple headstone. And so would everyone else


    Our Response:

    You could try legal action. As she is the deed holder, a court order might be the only way to put pressure on her to do anything.

  227. my sister dies and is in a grave with our grandparents and our dad. her son wants to change the head stone and only put her name on it. the grave is now full the grave papers have gone to the cemetery authorities so I don’t know who owns the plot or who has the final say of what they can do, my other brothers and sisters want our grandparents and our dads name as well as our sisters on the head stone. what can we do

  228. My uncle died 20 years ago and my grandmother who owns the deeds/plot etc has continually refused to erect a headstone. This has caused the family and my uncle’s grown up children a considerable amount of distress. What can we do? We have tried talking to my grandmother but she won’t change her mind. Surely she can’t do this.

  229. My mum passed away in April and her husband has the deeds my sister was the executor but the deeds are in his. Name can we change this

  230. Woo – Your Question:

    My mum passed away in April and her husband has the deeds my sister was the executor but the deeds are in his. Name can we change this


    Our Response:

    If her husband is still alive then no, you cannot change the name without his consent.

  231. Can I get some advice please? If not can you tell me where I can go to get the advice I need? Thanks My uncle died 20 years ago and my grandmother who owns the deeds/plot etc has continually refused to erect a headstone. This has caused the family and my uncle’s grown up children a considerable amount of distress. What can we do? We have tried talking to my grandmother but she won’t change her mind. Surely she can’t do this. Kay – 28-Jan-17 @ 12:09 PM

  232. Looking for advice, my dad died 30 years ago, he and my mother were divorced and she remarried. He never had a funeral, well he had a paupers funeral and his ashes were discarded on a communal area. It’s a long and complicated story, which is hard to explain as I don’t understand it myself. All I’m wanting to know is, my mother has planted a tree memorial in the cemetery last year for my dad without telling me or my brother, she has done this to cause trouble not out of the goodness of her heart (with her second ex husband right next to it, even though he has a grave with his ashes in another cemetery) if we wanted to take these trees, or at least the plaques down then where do we stand and what’s the best way to go about it? How do we find out about who owns the deeds?

  233. My grandmothers oldest son passed in 1988, my grandfather who was married to my grandmother at the time had deed to the double plot. My grandparents got divorced and grandfather remarried. When my grandfather passed his now widowed wife removed my uncle from the headstone to be spiteful to my grandmother. I believe there has to be a grey area here. Did she have rights to remove him from my grandfather’s headstone even though he had been dead for 20 years prior?

  234. My father passed away two years ago and my stepmother has not put a headstone on his grave. The cemetery is all family but for one person and you do not need to purchase a plot to be buried there. Can I purchase a headstone for his grave without being prosecuted by my stepmother?

  235. I have chosen my late husbands headstone. I am wanting it to be erected on a saturday, as most of my family don’t live in the area and that is the only day they can come. .i was told by the company I am buying it from told me it illegal to erect a headstone on a saturday is those true

  236. Darla – Your Question:

    My father passed away two years ago and my stepmother has not put a headstone on his grave. The cemetery is all family but for one person and you do not need to purchase a plot to be buried there. Can I purchase a headstone for his grave without being prosecuted by my stepmother?


    Our Response:

    If it’s not a municipal cemetery the same rules may not apply…you will need to speak with the people who manage the cemetery.

  237. Doz – Your Question:

    I have chosen my late husbands headstone. I am wanting it to be erected on a saturday, as most of my family don’t live in the area and that is the only day they can come.i was told by the company I am buying it from told me it illegal to erect a headstone on a saturday is those true


    Our Response:

    You should contact the offices/manager of the cemetery or churchyard in which your husband is buried to find out this. Interments and headstone erections are often performed during the week because of working hours more than anything else.

  238. Can a head be stored at a relations place until the time of the unveiling or does it have to be taken straight to the resting place of the deceased to be erected and covered untill a few days before the unveiling. Maori Tradition is this the right way.

  239. My husband recently passed away, his first wife passed 20 yrs ago, now my sister wants to put up a monument with both their names on it as if they were still married . How do I prevent this?

  240. Debbie – Your Question:

    My husband recently passed away, his first wife passed 20 yrs ago, now my sister wants to put up a monument with both their names on it as if they were still married. How do I prevent this?


    Our Response:

    There’s nothing to prevent her erecting a “monument” somewhere in her memory, but she wants to erect a headstone or memorial at the grave itself, she will need to be the holder of the title deeds to the grave. We assume as your sister, that she isn’t, so would not be able to do this.

  241. Hi my husbands dad was buried with his twin brother who died 8years before him. A son of the first twin has the deeds but now we would like to put up a headstone (he never had one for his dad) with both their details it’s been 2years and he won’t let us. Can we take him to court to ask that he allows us?

  242. Do you have to have a profgessiknal install a headstone or can you do it yourself? My familyhave done this i n our family cemetary before but I am wondering about a public cemetary. There are no regulations with this place, any kind /size of stone n they do not offer installation services and I cannot afford alot so I wanted to go through an online dealer

  243. Alisha Snell – Your Question:

    Do you have to have a profgessiknal install a headstone or can you do it yourself? My familyhave done this I n our family cemetary before but I am wondering about a public cemetary. There are no regulations with this place, any kind /size of stone n they do not offer installation services and I cannot afford alot so I wanted to go through an online dealer


    Our Response:

    The cemetery office will provide all the information you need…all public cemeteries have strict regulations about this.

  244. My mother passed away recently and my step father arranged all the funeral details so has ownership of the deeds for her grave. He was never married to my mother and so he found it hard to put claims over her assets. This has turned sour within the family as in the eyes of the law her assets are her children’s, mine and my brothers. Anyway, he hates me and has been fairly secretive over many things including that of the deed. I didn’t even know that grave deeds existed until today when I rang funeral care to ask about what I have to do in order to erect a gravestone in about a years time. I was told I would need written permission from the deed owner (my step father). He will not allow me to do this. I’m currently going through probate and wondered if there is anything I can about this. What worries me most is that when he passes away the ownership deeds go to his daughter who wasn’t my mothers daughters in any shape or form. I have also taken on all cost of the funeral as he refused to pay for after we feel out even though he is the signatory for the account and as the company that dealt with my mums funeral clearly stated he is their client even though I’m the person paying for the funeral.

  245. Hi there, thank you for answering questions on this important subject. My father passed away two years ago and his step wife has refused to put up a headstone out of spite to the children from his first marriage. I understand that she has the deed to the grave, so that legally she is the only person who can put up a headstone. With that in mind, a couple of questions: 1) Is there a legal means of forcing her to put up a headstone of some kind? 2) Is there a means of bypassing her altogether. For example, if the cemetery is municipal? 3) What can we legally put on the gravestone that she cannot legally remove? Is there anything besides flowers that we can leave there which she is not able to remove? Can we leave keepsakes and tokens of affection without her legally being able to remove them? Thank you so much for your time. Looking forward to your thoughtful response on this matter.

  246. Allen – Your Question:

    Hi there, thank you for answering questions on this important subject. My father passed away two years ago and his step wife has refused to put up a headstone out of spite to the children from his first marriage. I understand that she has the deed to the grave, so that legally she is the only person who can put up a headstone. With that in mind, a couple of questions: 1) Is there a legal means of forcing her to put up a headstone of some kind? 2) Is there a means of bypassing her altogether. For example, if the cemetery is municipal?3) What can we legally put on the gravestone that she cannot legally remove? Is there anything besides flowers that we can leave there which she is not able to remove? Can we leave keepsakes and tokens of affection without her legally being able to remove them?Thank you so much for your time. Looking forward to your thoughtful response on this matter.


    Our Response:

    Anyone can leave flowers, but that’s about the limit. In most cemeteries they will not allow you to erect any kind of memorial/statue etc without the grave deeds. A court order might work? Possibly try and see if you can get a free half hour initial consultation with a solicitor.

  247. I have a grave stone and there is 2 people on the grave stone already but we just wanted a name put on the stone in memory of the person could we do that

  248. Ems – Your Question:

    I have a grave stone and there is 2 people on the grave stone already but we just wanted a name put on the stone in memory of the person could we do that


    Our Response:

    If you are the holder of the grave deeds you should be able to add a name to the headstone.

  249. Hello My sister and husband (step father to my nephews) have put on the head stone “involving memory from Angela David and Grandsons” When I first went to my parents grave to lay flowers I was very upset to read this on the headstone as I was not consulted about the wording of my parents headstone. She did not include myself I am the other daughter nor did she mention my daughter who is the grandchild also. It was like I did not exist in my parents life and my parents loved both daughters. This is still causing me upset as when my and my daughter go to the grave to lay flowers we have to see these words all the time. my sister wanted rights to the grave and new exactly what she was doing when leaving me off the headstone. When I look at other headstones in the cemetery they read in loving memory from the family with no names of the people alive on the head stone. Is there anything I can do about this as my sister and her husband do not speak to me since my parents died. I do get very hurt everytime I go to the grave as I feel I have been cut off the memory of my parents and I was not part of their lives and meant nothing to my parents which everyone close to me tells me my parents loved me the same and its only words and I should just ignore it but I can’t because it is painful when I lay flowers for my parents and it hurst my daughter also as she was close to her grandparents. I think it was an evil act to do and left me with know closure to greive in my private way. This was 3 years ago now and I still feel like this. Can you help please because i am not sure if a solicitor can do anything to ask my sister to correct the wording to stop causing more pain and leaving the my parents legacy of only having one child.

  250. Soul – Your Question:

    HelloMy sister and husband (step father to my nephews) have put on the head stone “involving memory from Angela David and Grandsons” When I first went to my parents grave to lay flowers I was very upset to read this on the headstone as I was not consulted about the wording of my parents headstone. She did not include myself I am the other daughter nor did she mention my daughter who is the grandchild also. It was like I did not exist in my parents life and my parents loved both daughters. This is still causing me upset as when my and my daughter go to the grave to lay flowers we have to see these words all the time. my sister wanted rights to the grave and new exactly what she was doing when leaving me off the headstone. When I look at other headstones in the cemetery they read in loving memory from the family with no names of the people alive on the head stone. Is there anything I can do about this as my sister and her husband do not speak to me since my parents died. I do get very hurt everytime I go to the grave as I feel I have been cut off the memory of my parents and I was not part of their lives and meant nothing to my parents which everyone close to me tells me my parents loved me the same and its only words and I should just ignore it but I can’t because it is painful when I lay flowers for my parents and it hurst my daughter also as she was close to her grandparents. I think it was an evil act to do and left me with know closure to greive in my private way. This was 3 years ago now and I still feel like this. Can you help please because I am not sure if a solicitor can do anything to ask my sister to correct the wording to stop causing more pain and leaving the my parents legacy of only having one child.


    Our Response:

    If you are not the holder of the grave deeds, then you cannot erect a headstone yourself. We don’t know if a solicitor can help, but it’s worth consulting one to find out. They’ll be able to do more than we can for you.

  251. hi i im getting a head stone for my nanna and grandads grave my mum and aunts ashes are also buried there can i have all there names on the head stone ore do i need permission i would also like to have my dads name on it as well under in memory of is this allowed as i was told ide have to get permission 1st

  252. PEG – Your Question:

    Hi I im getting a head stone for my nanna and grandads grave my mum and aunts ashes are also buried there can I have all there names on the head stone ore do I need permission I would also like to have my dads name on it as well under in memory of is this allowed as I was told ide have to get permission 1st


    Our Response:

    Check with the cemetery office. Generally you the holder of the grave deeds can put whatever they like on the headstone, within the cemetery rules.

  253. Hi I wonder if you can help me please. My Husband died 18 years ago and I purchased a double plot for him and myself. I have a headstone at the grave with an inscription for him. I left the bottom half of the headstone blank for myself. My Brother in law died 2 years ago the family asked my permission if they could bury his ashes with my husband and I gave written permission. ( I do not talk to the family as we fell out years ago) I did not give them permission to write on the headstone as that space was for me when I die. But they have done this and I am so upset. I am the deed holder. Is there anything I can do? I thought they would have had to have my written permission before going ahead with this. Kind Regards

  254. Caz – Your Question:

    Hi I wonder if you can help me please. My Husband died 18 years ago and I purchased a double plot for him and myself. I have a headstone at the grave with an inscription for him. I left the bottom half of the headstone blank for myself.My Brother in law died 2 years ago the family asked my permission if they could bury his ashes with my husband and I gave written permission. ( I do not talk to the family as we fell out years ago) I did not give them permission to write on the headstone as that space was for me when I die. But they have done this and I am so upset. I am the deed holder. Is there anything I can do? I thought they would have had to have my written permission before going ahead with this. Kind Regards


    Our Response:

    Yes they should have obtained your permission beforehand and whoever did the engraving should have been approved by the cemetery office and should have checked the title deeds before carrying out the work. The best solution if there is no space for your name when you die, might be to take legal action for payment for an additional or replacement headstone.

  255. My fiance passed 7 months ago. I realized that his mom has put no tombstone we have 3 kids together in feel horrible my kids going to see just dirt nothing in the memory of there father… Is there anything I can do?

  256. Dmarie – Your Question:

    My fiance passed 7 months ago. I realized that his mom has put no tombstone we have 3 kids together in feel horrible my kids going to see just dirt nothing in the memory of there father. Is there anything I can do?


    Our Response:

    Talk to his mother first of all (assuming she’s the one that holds the grave deeds). Maybe she can’t afford this at the moment or is still waiting for the stone to be completed?

  257. I have a difficult situation my sister died 2 years ago her husband did not get a headstone her husband oit of spite said we cant buy her one all my parents want is for there daughter to have a headstone. Now he has moved oit of north carolina is there anyway that we can buy my sister a headstome my dad is heartbroken

  258. I want to know the answer to this question my family is going thru the exact thing please I need to know I was threatened with the police ( being arrested) if I put one on there.. Even though it’s been 3 years!!

  259. Jr – Your Question:

    I have a difficult situation my sister died 2 years ago her husband did not get a headstone her husband oit of spite said we cant buy her one all my parents want is for there daughter to have a headstone. Now he has moved oit of north carolina is there anyway that we can buy my sister a headstome my dad is heartbroken


    Our Response:

    We can only speak from a UK point of view. Here you can you only arrange the headstone/memorial if you are the holder of the grave deeds. If the deed holder refuses to erect a headstone, the only option is to try legal action via the courts.

  260. Tammy – Your Question:

    I want to know the answer to this question my family is going thru the exact thing please I need to know I was threatened with the police ( being arrested) if I put one on there. Even though it’s been 3 years!!


    Our Response:

    Which question? The one above has been answered in the article and the one below also has an answer?

  261. Hello. My sister had a still born son 3 years ago who was cremated. She kept his ashes but wants them buried and a grave plot to be able to visit. Is this possible and does it cost alot?

  262. My Father was killed in action before I was born. My grandmother and her other sons decided not to include my Mum and me on the Headstone. I am 17 In November this year, do I have any right to get it changed?

  263. My wife’s sisters daughter passed away recenently.We have a family plot with both our grandparents and parents interred .My sister has had her daughters ashes interred in the plot without any consultation with myself or other siblings We found out about it on Facebook .Does she have the right to do this.We live in Scotland.

  264. Hi my sister thinks that her dad has the deed to her mum’s grave but he is incapable of doing anything how would she go about putting a headstone on her mum’s grave admits been 10 years this year thank you

  265. Benson – Your Question:

    Hi my sister thinks that her dad has the deed to her mum’s grave but he is incapable of doing anything how would she go about putting a headstone on her mum’s grave admits been 10 years this year thank you


    Our Response:

    If her father is incapable, she should apply for power of attorney, so that she can manage his affairs for him. She should then be able to retrieve the deeds and take necessary steps to erect a headstone.

  266. How would she get the power of atternoy and for her dad or her mum and how much does this cost? And thank you for the help

  267. Hi my children’s father had died and his partner doesn’t get on with them she has gone ahead with a plaque at the crematorium. My grown up children are not happen with this.( they are next of kin) not her. My Daughter has been in touch with the crematorium to object and says she was told anyone can order a plaque. Is this right.

  268. I am curious why you have not given me a reply to my enquiry.I can’t seem to get a definitive answer to this,my wife’s sisters action have left a great divede in the family .

  269. My grandchild died and I can’t get my daughter to start a gravemarker for her, if they refuse to do this, can I with out their permission? I don’t want my grandchild in an unmarked grave.

  270. Nana – Your Question:

    My grandchild died and I can’t get my daughter to start a gravemarker for her, if they refuse to do this, can I with out their permission?I don’t want my grandchild in an unmarked grave.


    Our Response:

    A council owned cemetery will not allow you to erect a headtone unless you are the holder of the grave deeds. You could try asking the council, but it may be that you will need to consider legal action (although there is no obligation on her part to erect a stone).

  271. My brother had a fiance, he unfortunately passed away. And to he honest we think she might have been the cause of it. he had just won a law suit and got a big settlement and only spent $20 to get a Cuban sandwich and died that night she kept the money paid for his grave sight her bills and bought the plot next to him. One day she completely disappeared from the face of the earth and then a police officer came to drop of the belongings of my brother, I asked her if she would please give me the grave plot since she moved on, and her response was “no you will never get it, that belongs to me and only me.” and i said “but you have a daughter and what if she wants to be buried next to you there is no space, how will you take that opportunity away from her.” she replied that is none of your concern this discussion is over.” I am broken hearted and I need to see if there is any legal action I can take to get that plot back I am his only next to skin and I really want to be buried next to him my loving little brother. Please help me and thank you!

  272. Hello, pretty please can you help? My uncle passed Away last year, his wife has deed of grant, refuses to erect A headstone, my nanna wishes to obtain a headstone can you Tell me which court papers would be needed to take legal action to get deeds as it’s our only option I’d be representing my nan in court as we can’t afford solicitor fees, your our last hope to lay my uncle to rest properly. Thank you deeply.

  273. How can i obtain the deeds to my dads plot. My brother i trusted and arrange our dads funeral to which we paid half direct to funeral director’s and still have the receipt even though it was 17yrs ago. Brother has avoid all my attempts to add me or talk to me regarding a headstone. Until recently i asked for the deeds and full responsibility for our dads plot and he responded with his dead his not getting a headstone. Told me basically to go away. We since discovered he didnt pay anything to the funeral or cemetery but got the deeds. His not aware we know this. Do we have a case to claim the deeds

  274. My brother died and the deeds belonged to his girlfriend which at tym was ok however we have fallen out and she has now decided to make all changes to the original arrangments would never have bothered but she has not given any family the chance to be involved or has she meet any of the requests as his oldest sister and actual family whereas his girlfriend is not they were not married does this give me any rights to overturn her and have the headstone done as the whole family want

  275. Ang – Your Question:

    My sister died over 17 years ago and has never had a headstone will it cost to get one erected now.


    Our Response:

    If you ask at your local cemetery office, they will be able to give you the details of local stone masons who can give you a price for a headstone.

  276. My brother owns deeds to grave he needs inscriptions on headstone but says i have to pay for removel of ststone to put inscription on

  277. De de – Your Question:

    My brother owns deeds to grave he needs inscriptions on headstone but says I have to pay for removel of ststone to put inscription on


    Our Response:

    This is between you and brother to agree between you really, we’re sorry we can’t really give any advice here.

  278. My son was buried almost 16 yrs ago and his grave stone is damaged he is buried in a grave yard. My ex refuses to let me have a new stone what can I do about this as I want a new one for him.

  279. My father in law died in December he was buried with my Mother in law,Sister in law and my wife is to be placed in the said grave he had a partner of 20 year who is to be interned in another grave dose my wife have the right to the head stone

  280. My dad died 10 years ago and was cremated. My brother told me that because my dad was cremated we can’t put up a headstone. Recently this topic came up and I was told that he (my brother) was wrong and that many people choose to put up a headstone or a memorial marker. Is it too late to have a memorial marker, or tombstone? I am divorced now and would very much like to be buried next to my dad. He was an awesome dad and I miss him so much. I want his life to be remembered for generations to come. Something tangible. A place to sit and remember. (A bench too) Is it too late? My mother is still alive. When she dies she could be there too. They were together for over 50 years. Please give a definite answer and not a guess. Thank you

  281. HI Suzanne How did you get on as I’m in the same similar situation. But in my case,My dad still has the full receipts for the GRAVE but my steps is yer had signed the deeds.

  282. Marie – Your Question:

    HI Suzanne How did you get on as I’m in the same similar situation. But in my case,My dad still has the full receipts for the GRAVE but my steps is yer had signed the deeds.


    Our Response:

    If the deed holder refuses to erect a memorial or headstone, we think maybe a court order might be the only option, but it’s worth contacting the cemetery office to see what they can suggest.

  283. Missy – Your Question:

    My dad died 10 years ago and was cremated. My brother told me that because my dad was cremated we can’t put up a headstone. Recently this topic came up and I was told that he (my brother) was wrong and that many people choose to put up a headstone or a memorial marker. Is it too late to have a memorial marker, or tombstone?I am divorced now and would very much like to be buried next to my dad. He was an awesome dad and I miss him so much. I want his life to be remembered for generations to come. Something tangible. A place to sit and remember. (A bench too)Is it too late? My mother is still alive. When she dies she could be there too. They were together for over 50 years.Please give a definite answer and not a guess. Thank you


    Our Response:

    Contact your local cemetery office to see whether a memorial stone is possible…most cemeteries have a specific area for those who’ve been cremated. Of course, there is nothing to prevent you from having a bench erected in your father’s favourite spot, you just need to contact the landowner to see if this is possible. Many places such as National Truts properties will place a small plaque on a bench or erect a bench specially (depending on the size of your donation).

  284. Hi My step sister has the deeds,but does speak to her step dad, my dad paid for the grave /headstone etc. I’m. His nok what rights has me or my dad got to get this feed of her.

  285. I my brother had the title deeds in his name for my dads grave from 1998 my mom was still alive and we were told that because they had been put in his name so long that my sister would have to get him to sign them over if my mom wanted to be buried with dad. If dad had died recently mom who have had the title deeds because it was so long ago they must stay in my brothers name how can we get them changed over or do we need his permission

  286. My sister was buried 5 years ago. Her ex husband married and moved to the U.S.A The family would like to put a headstone on the grave. The ex husband has the deeds to plot.

  287. I got told the person who pays for grave first dad then mum they atomatic become deed owner ,so why was it given to my natratisstic brother he refused to put inscriptions on headstone and removes my things i put on grave

  288. My mum passed away 10 months ago she had a prepaid f plan but it didn’t cover the price of the burial plot so that had to be paid for as my brother organised the funeral he paid the extra cost and I sent a cheque to him to cover this out of mums estate,he returned this to me because he said that mum should not have to pay for her own grave! he is with me an executor of mums will but he signed the paperwork for funeral should I as the other executor signed the paperwork also as now he has the deeds to the grave and myself and my siblings have to get his permission to erect a gravestone is this legal?as there is a family rift he would probably stop us from putting a headstone on mums grave so this is why I am wondering if I should have signed any paperwork concerning mums burial. Would really appreciate some advice

  289. my adopted sister is the exeutor of my mums will.My mum wi8shed to be cremated and interned with my brother and faher. This i arranged but my sister has had the headstone and the border frame removed you can see where it has been smashed off. This was not what my mother wanted all she wished is to be added to the headstone and any wording that needed to be replaced as done no the whole grave has nothing on it. My daughter is a beneficerie and my sister is fully aware that this was never my mums wish but she is anry that she not her children were listsed to inherit. The grave looks vandalised with smashed debris of white marbel . What can i do is this allowed . Legally how do i stop her from doing this as she is intent on sing the inheritance to do this against the whole familes and my mums wishes.

  290. D – Your Question:

    I my brother had the title deeds in his name for my dads grave from 1998 my mom was still alive and we were told that because they had been put in his name so long that my sister would have to get him to sign them over if my mom wanted to be buried with dad. If dad had died recently mom who have had the title deeds because it was so long ago they must stay in my brothers name how can we get them changed over or do we need his permission


    Our Response:

    Sorry it’s not really clear what your question is? Is your mother still alive? Is your brother refusing permission to have her buried in the plot when she dies?

  291. When two people who own the deed. And they can’t agree on the name for a head stone. One person wants no last name. And the other person wants legal last name on head stone. How do you petition the court?

  292. Marie – Your Question:

    When two people who own the deed. And they can’t agree on the name for a head stone. One person wants no last name. And the other person wants legal last name on head stone. How do you petition the court?


    Our Response:

    You could try a mediation service first? It’s a bit ridiculous to spend money on a court case but if you wanted to do, it would be most likely the consistory court (church council) you should apply to.

  293. My mother died in March 8th 2015 Is there in any way I can get a grant or any help to pay for a headstone for her grave.I’m a single mother of 2 young children.i have no saving and no family to turn to to ask to help pay some money towards the headstone.the grave yard she is buried in us beautiful and all thexcited other gravestone have head stones.this has made me so depressed that I can’t afford to buy my mum and simple headstone.if any one knows where i can get some kind of help pls could you let me know as I would be very grateful for any kind of help.much appreciated lisa

  294. Lisa – Your Question:

    My mother died in March 8th 2015Is there in any way I can get a grant or any help to pay for a headstone for her grave.I’m a single mother of 2 young children.i have no saving and no family to turn to to ask to help pay some money towards the headstone.the grave yard she is buried in us beautiful and all thexcited other gravestone have head stones.this has made me so depressed that I can’t afford to buy my mum and simple headstone.if any one knows where I can get some kind of help pls could you let me know as I would be very grateful for any kind of help.much appreciated lisa


    Our Response:

    Here are some suggestions:
    Try The Turn 2 Us website
    Ask the funeral director if they have any schemes that allow you to pay back over a period of time
    Try your local council or Citizens’ Advice to see if there are any locally available grants

  295. My x husband died and the deeds have been changed into my name I want to get a new headstone for my son grave and do not want my x husband surname put on there my 4 daughters do not want he’s surname put back on it also as was not a good dad left them when they were young can I do that buy a new one and leave the surname off

  296. My dad passed and my mom has deed to grave. I have a half sibling who is sticking her nose in and is going to buy a headstone with just his name on stone. She cannot have it placed unless she has a deed, correct.? My mom intends on getting a stone with both names on it.

  297. Rose – Your Question:

    My dad passed and my mom has deed to grave. I have a half sibling who is sticking her nose in and is going to buy a headstone with just his name on stone. She cannot have it placed unless she has a deed, correct.? My mom intends on getting a stone with both names on it.


    Our Response:

    No only the deed holder can have a headstone erected. The deed holder can take legal action to have one erroneously erected.

  298. Mum passed away 3 years ago and brother took total control eliminating me from making decisions for the funeral and we’ve spent the last three in an estate dispute. Although I offered to pay for a headstone a number of times through my solicitor, he ignored my requests. Payments are now due to be distributed to beneficiaries and he has decided on style and wording of headstone to be paid out of the estate. Does he have the right to claim these costs at this stage? I’m not standing in the way of him erecting a headstone but as we will never agree on the style or wording I believe he should fund this himself. Thank you

  299. If 2 parties own the deeds to a grave can they put a headstone on without the other party consent or knowledge

  300. My brothers daughter passed away the commentary deed is under her mother’s name. She has bought the stone. What could my brother do so he could buy the stone

  301. minion13 – Your Question:

    If 2 parties own the deeds to a grave can they put a headstone on without the other party consent or knowledge


    Our Response:

    You should contact your local cemetery office. We don’t know whether grave deeds can be jointly held by more than one person.

  302. Hi, my brother arranged the headstone for my mums grave, it was paid for from my mums banks account and out of all mine and my siblings inheritance after her death. He has put the wrong date of death on it which happens to be a meaningful date for another happier reason for me, i have asked him to have it altered as it was his mistake and was told that he wouldn’t and as the deeds for the plot are in his name (although paid for by my late mums estate)he would not give permission for me to do so either . Is there anything i can do legally to enable me to have the stone altered without his permission?

  303. I just found out recently that my grandmother name is not on the headstone with my grandfather, as he married again after she died, just my grandfather and his second wife are on it, I would like to have my grandmother recognized as being there, do I need permission or can I go ahead and buy a separate plaque in her memory..

  304. My brother passed away 2015 and the only person on the deed list is his wife but she has not done a headstone for him..now my family wants one done but she will not sign for rights to be passed over..what can i do?

  305. Hello my friends son, 17 died in a tragic accident a year ago. The church have made it very difficult to deal with. The stone has been laid in the wrong place & it half on & half off of his grave. The Vicar wants it there & wont let it be put onto his actual grave. This is causing so much upset & agony. Any advice is very welcome. Thank you

  306. My two sisters have erected a headstone on a family grave without the deed of Grant they have also included my mum under the header of the grave which was her maiden name and not her married name and without the consent of her husband is this legal

  307. Can i erect a headstone on my mothers grave she died 12 years ago? Another member of the family has the deed but she will not give us permission to put one up because we stole a lot of her money she was entitled to from our mother.

  308. My grandmother died way back in 1925. Her grave was only marked by a boulder with no inscription. After many years I have finally located the grave and I want to place a more permanent stone there in order to recognise long held family regrets for her anonymous plot. Can I legally do that?

  309. I brought my mum and dad grave stone. My two brothers keep taking my flowers off the stone and they put theirs on instead . My brother as said it belongs to the family they have not been in my life and they did not want to pay any money for it . Do I have more right then them on n the stone.

  310. My mom passed away more then 2 years ago 2 and ahalf years ago and still does not have a head stone at her grave sight can anyone put a head stone there for her after that long of time or does it have to be the one left in charge.at that time and also my Dad is still alive does it have to be him that puts the head stone there but he doesn’t have money to do it now so in that case can anyone do it .my phone is(316) 525- 6327

  311. Do the same rules and regulations apply to a cremation plot as a burial plot? Also should I have any deeds for my parents cremation plot? I don’t recall receiving one following their deaths

  312. Hi, We recently found out that my older sister is actually my half sister. Her father died when my mother was 5 months pregnant with her .Today she is 32 years old and after locating his grave we found that there is still no gravestone put up for him. We also found out that my Grandmother ( my mothers mother) is the owner of the grave deed. We contacted her and she refuses to give us permission to put up a gravestone for him. What can we do?

  313. My fiancee’s younger brother died and the mother is in charge of everything even though her last words to the brother over 5y ago was “I dont ever wanna see you again”. She has messed up the whole funeral and now he don’t even have a stone as she refuse to put one up even though we will pay for it. Is there anything we can do? She hated her own child when he was alive and even after his death she is messing with him. It’s not fair at all.

  314. My gran owned the grave but she died so her daughter my aunt had the deed passed to her she gave permission for a family member to be buried in the grave my aunt as since died and the deed did not get passed on but since then another person as bee buried in the grave and they have put up an headstone the lettering is that big you cannot see grans name so will I be allowed to have grans name put back at the top

  315. My sisters oldest daughter died 3 1/2 years ago. The service was awesome and her son in law buried her daughter without a headstone. When she asked about it he assured her that it would be done within a year. Needless to say he never put a headstone on the grave. My sister called the cemetery and asked if she could buy a headstone and have I put on her daughters grave. They told her the husband bought the plot so only he could do it. She repeatedly asked her son in law to allow her to buy the headstone so it could be placed on her beloved daughters grave. He would not have to pay anything and she would carry the entire cost. After years of asking he wont even respond. Is there anything she can do. I heard about grave abandonment. Is there such a thing.

  316. My grandmother died 3 years ago, she is buried in a plot my adopted mom owns. She will not let any of my grandmothers family put a tombstone or flowers or anything. Is it yrue after 3 years my grandmother’s family can infact put a tombstone for her even if my adopted mom doesn’t want one. I live in Kentucky and I don’t know what the laws are in burial and tombstones and I don’t know where to look.

  317. My mother died 4months ago, after having terrible experiences with the funeral director l decided to take him to court but found out my brother who lives in Jamaica was also dealing with the funeral director in dishonesty and became demanding and threatening, which forced me into not being able to take legal action. Now my mother lies in a family pot it was her wish to have a headstone that she left money for and paid for from her Scottish widow insurance but l cannot have it erected as my brother may we’ll decide he does not like nor want the headstone l put on there, there was no will as my mother always had me look after her every need and was her only next of kin. All l want is to be able to put my mother and father’s headstone on without the worry of my brother being malicious and telling the cemetery he doesn’t want it on there otherwise l have to remove it at my cost after also paying a lawyer for me to state l will remove it…..plz help.

  318. My uncle passed away 4 years ago and his wife said she was going to get him a headstone but still hasn’t. I think he deserves to have one. Can you get one for him since she isn’t?

  319. I am wanting to put an headstone on my fathersgrave who died over35 years ago but as i only want to put my mothers/his wifes name and me and my brother on it can an estranged sister take legal action against me or my mother for not including her in the inscription Please help me

  320. My son was buried with my grandmother a number of years ago I have been trying to erect a headstone to him for a long time however the family are being very difficult they will not allow my grandmas headstone to be touched but will also not allow a separate tablet can I put one on without there permission as it is a separate memorial

  321. My dad was 90 years old he was an engineer for 50 years for H.B.&T railroad.He never had a dad His death was a result of. Gudalupe HOSPITAl in Seguin Texas.I can’t say too much but I need help with a marker for his grave. It’s in NewBrunfels Texas . Please help me.Thank You

  322. The state paid my sons burial. They paid for marker. I want to put ahead stone on but they said I could not because state paid for it. It’s been over 8 years know is there anyway I can fight this. I live and hi is buried in Lexington ky.

  323. Can I get the current headstone for my dad who has recently passed engraved as my mother died first and there is already a headstone there without going through my sister who was the executor of the will and pay for the engraving myself

  324. My dad passed away 3 years ago and his family said they would get him a headstone but never did and I as his daughter I would love to get one so I can go and spend time with him on his birthday, on Christmas and many other important days. Am I still able to get one for him even tho it has been 3 years?

  325. My brother paased away 2 years ago and his live in girlfriend handled the funeral. She never paid for the funeral or the burial plot. It was paid from his estate. She is refusing to allow us (the brothers and sisters) to put a headstone on his grave. Can she legally stop us from doing so although she never paid for it?

  326. I live with my partner, been together 35years, we have 3children, can I have wife put on my gravestone as I’m not legally his wife? Thank you

  327. My father has the deeds to my grans grave and not only hasnt paid all the funeral even though i paid him money towards it but she hasnt even got a proper grave stone. Can i either get the deeds if i pay rest of funeral off so i can put a grave stone up to mark her resting place?

  328. Continued i dont speak to him now havnt for a number of years and hes so bitter he wont even transfer the deeds willingly

  329. My deceased wife grand daughter paid for the funeral with insurance money left to her. She refuses to let me the husband put a head stone on my wife’s grave..what can I do legally.Its been two years since her death

  330. Question please. I will soon own a natural burial ground in the UK. The local council planning permission basically states that we can NOT erect monuments OR gravestones. I want to confirm that so long as the Deed of Grant allows, and the Cemetery rules allow, we can mark the grave with say a max height 30cm grave marker? This is so we know who is buried in a particular place and that loved ones have a focal point to visit. I was told it is a human right to be able to mark any grave. Please advise. Thanks, Jonathan

  331. My mum was buried 2017. I am trying to erect a tablet, My sister is being very difficult, she will not allow my mum headstone to be touched same time she will not also allow a separate tablet to be fitted. Can I erect one without her permission as the person buried is my own mum too and my sister is deliberately using our mum grave to hurt me.

  332. My mum was buried 2017.I am trying to erect a tablet, My sister is being very difficult, she will not allow my mum headstone to be touched same time she will not also allow a separate tablet to be fitted. Can I erect one with out her permission as the person buried is my own mum too and my sister is deliberately using our mum grave to hurt me.

  333. My sister has been cremated but doesn’t want to be scattered in our hometown. But like to put a beautiful cross beside our grandmother for her remembrance. How do I do this please.

  334. I lost my son 2 years ago, my ex wasn’t at any of his services, because he was to busy putting a needle in his arm (while driving) he ended up smashing into multiple cars and was sent to jail for a little over a yr.. now he’s out and he (against my wishes and cultural beliefs) has placed a huge headstone at his site. Is there anything I can do?

  335. My son was in my sisters care but not legally we buied him she has the deeds but we have feel out I have now heard she wants to put my sons last name in irish just to hurt me and his father can she do that with out my permission

  336. My mother in law passed away in april my wife sister buried her with out any one knowing , my wife and her siblings found out threw a facebook post.. My wife and her siblings would like to purchase a tombstone for their mother but her sister has the deed what can we do ??? Also she listed her self as an only child in order to receive that deed.. any advice as to what we can do ??

  337. My Ex passed away and my ex’s family have erected a headstone with my daughters full name on without mine or My daughters permission consent. Is there any rules about this our can anyone put what they want on a gravestone

  338. Im wondering if there is any charities than help me , my daughter and son committed suicide october 2019 .And i would like a gravestone for them,but im currently on the sick and living off benefits, and would like to know if there is any charities that could help me finance the gravestone.

  339. My father passed away in January and I’ve been trying to get his headstone. My parents divorced 5 years ago. I am the only child of his second marriage. He had 9 children with his first wife. 6 of us signed for the cremation consent but now his oldest daughter from his first marriage refuses to sign for the headstone. What can we do if she does not sign.

  340. Loving daughter,sister,wife, Mawmaw grandma great granny Until we meet again you will be missed love you always

  341. I would like to buy an old gravestone for decoration purposes, I want to use it as a mantle. I heard that engravers sometimes make mistakes and throw it out or sell it for cheap. Anyone know where I can get one?

  342. My wife’s family decided to forge my mother-in-law’s signature on the deed of my wife’s grave as if she was the next of kin because of that I’ve been locked out of any decisions regarding my wife’s grave and we were legally married and together at the time of her passing

  343. My son passed away a year ago we have been trying to put a headstone but his widow won’t let us. They were having issues before he passed and so she won’t put a headstone or let his family do it. Is there anything that we can do? He has two teenagers and want a headstone on their father’s grave. What can we do?

  344. My son took his own life in April 2020 his wife and him were separated but due to covid19 they had to stay in same house he had planned to move out but couldn’t take it no longer she totally controlled his life when he took his life I said I pay for his funeral but she went ahead and paid for it now he is without a headstone she controlled him In life and now in his death it’s so un fair she didn’t want him now he dead she making sure we never forget her and playing the grieving widow the law is all wrong i gave birth to him kept him safe loved him and she can stop me having a place to grieve for my son that woman has destroyed my life and the law protects her there has got to be a way i can put a headstone on

  345. My wife was murdered while being held against her will along with my daughter who was kidnapped (She survived) by her own parents. They have been found by HPD, that they have falisied legal documents to name a few death certificate medical paperwork etc. We were legally married at the time of passing. We own burial plots. And her parents have gotten away with this due to affiliations in Harris County sherriffs office whom have Lso violated my legal rights over my wife as she’s autistic like me. And parental rights violated and threatened by them off body cam. I have been able to get in contact with the D. A.’s office and doing an investigation into the sherriffs for corruption. How can I make this know to even higher superiority to have my wife’s burial location corrected to can I my self build a headstone for her ?

  346. A family member took their own life a few years ago. His wife at the time still hadn’t put a headstone on and won’t allow the deceased’s father to put a headstone on. Is there something we can do to challenge this as it’s breaking his heart

  347. My children’s father passed in 2013. He was married for about 2 years to another women. Since his passing he still does not have a headstone. We have been trying to reach out to her to ask her if we can put a headstone. But she has refused to let us because she insists to having her name on the head headstone. She has already moved on in her life with another partner. And who knows if she will have more kids and get married again. My children want and need to put a headstone on their fathers grave. How can we do this without her. Please help my children give their father a proper grave.

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